


End of the World

by Morgan (morgan32)



Series: End of the World [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M, slave!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-23
Updated: 2009-07-23
Packaged: 2017-10-02 11:06:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgan32/pseuds/Morgan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU based on <em>Children of the Gods</em>: what if Teal'c didn't betray Apophis that day on Chulak?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There must be a hundred reasons to put my pen away. I know a hundred different arguments against committing any of this to paper. I have always kept a journal of some kind, however, and I think this is the only way I’ll get it straightened out in my head.

There’s no one I can really talk to. No one really believes me. Every time Jack meets my eyes (not often, these days) all I see is a kind of baffled pity. He just doesn’t get it. Sam’s worse, but I guess she doesn’t know me all that well yet. I’ve talked with counsellors until my voice is hoarse. I guess Dr McKenzie decided I’m sane, as they let me come back to work. But none of them know what’s really in my head.

Tonight, I watched him sleep and for the first time I could honestly name this feeling between us Love. It’s hard to remember that six weeks ago, I hated him. Hated him as intensely then as I love him now.

I never knew, until him, how wonderful it can be to be filled with a man’s hard flesh. To be mastered, utterly, yet to feel a strong man tremble at the moment of his crisis. I had no idea, until him, that I could enjoy such sweet pain, never had a clue that I could be made to beg, as I have begged him so many times, not for my own release, but for his.

And yes, I truly hated him when we first met.

I had reason to hate him. He was the man who stole my wife and my brother from Abydos, tearing my happiness to shreds. He was the man who, I believed then, had murdered my friend Jack, and every other soul who had been with us as prisoners of Apophis. The man who, with a single word, had stolen my life and my freedom.

The man who, despite everything, it seems I am fated to love.

I’m getting ahead of myself again. My mind does that, sometimes. I’m a scholar, not a storyteller and history, for me, begins in the present. How did we get to where we are? Where did it all begin?

This story began, from my own perspective, when someone tossed a box of Kleenex through my Stargate. That’s how I thought of it back then, _my_ Stargate. As messages go, it didn’t take genius to figure out that one was from Jack. Or maybe from Kawalsky: I didn’t remember Jack having that sort of a sense of humour. I remember I was uncertain how to feel about it...for a second I was tempted not to respond at all. I wanted to bury my Gate and keep Earth out of my life. I knew the message meant they would want me back on Earth, and that would be doubly true if I told them what I had discovered in the cartouche chamber. There was never any doubt that I’d tell them. Where’s the thrill of discovery if you can’t share it?

Jack. We barely spoke a civil word to each other before that last, terrible, exciting day. In that last day, though, I learned everything I needed to know about Colonel O’Neill. I knew I could trust him with my life.

Perhaps I’m going back too far. Though my decision to reply to Jack’s message was the beginning of it all, it wasn’t really the point of no return. It’s true, if I had buried my Stargate on that day, I’d still be on Abydos, with Sha’re. Tempting though it is to blame myself, I know Apophis would have come anyway. Later, in a ship, and probably after he had found the hosts he wanted, but he would have come.

You don’t get to stay in Neverland forever.

My point of no return: the moment I saw my Sha’re at Apophis’ side, as he declared they had come to choose the “children of the gods”. I knew what that meant: they wanted hosts.

Don’t ask me why I did it. I know it was insane and suicidal. When I saw her there, what went through my mind was...

She was beautiful; dressed as the queen she had become, in silk brocades and gold. The only thing wrong with the picture was the man at her side. I couldn’t bear it. I think I said something to Jack. I can’t remember what. I felt Jack try to pull me back but I was moving too fast. I ran forward, shouting her name.

Someone stepped in front of me, blocking my way with one of those staff weapons. He was a serpent guard, but with his helmet down I could see his face. I remembered him, he had questioned Jack earlier. In the moment our eyes met I knew he remembered me, too. I guess I had made myself conspicuous by being able to answer his question: Where are you from?

I must have frozen for a moment. The next thing I knew, his staff weapon swept around and struck me behind my knees. I fell to the ground in a heap. I ignored the serpent guard and looked up at Sha’re. She was cold, remote, but I knew she saw me there.

I thought about spending my life without her. I could hear the other prisoners around me, I could sense their fear of being chosen. I wasn’t thinking clearly...truthfully, I wasn’t thinking at all. The words just spilled out.

“How much would I remember if you chose me?”

I saw Sha’re incline her head slightly to speak to Apophis. From somewhere very far away I heard Jack’s voice: “Daniel, no!” I didn’t need to turn around to know he was struggling to get to me.

_Something of the host must survive._ It was all I could think. Panicked, desperate denial of the obvious. But I had to be right. I _had_ to be. If I was wrong, I’d lost her.

I was crying. I really hate that. You’d think that with the knocks I’ve taken over the years I’d have a thicker skin by now. But, no. Every time, I just cry. Pathetic. This time, I didn’t care.

I heard Apophis say, “This one is passionate.” He was mocking me.

From behind me, a baritone voice said, “Yes.”

As I tried to get up, Apophis raised his hand and my world filled with light.

The hand-device of the Goa’uld is impossible to describe. Used one way, it’s like a sledgehammer: that’s what I’d been hit with earlier that day. The same device, used another way, is quite different. It drained the strength and the will right out of me. I still knew what was happening around me, but it meant nothing to me. Someone helped me to my feet and said, “Come.” I obeyed, in a numb sort of daze.

I heard Apophis give the order to kill the rest of the prisoners. I heard his serpent guards start shooting. I heard the people start screaming. I even heard Jack shouting, “Help me!”

I followed the Goa’uld. I followed Sha’re.

The next few hours are kind of blurred. We were taken by the same kind of transport rings Ra used to what I think was a ship. The prisoners, including myself, were sorted in some way, each person taken by the guards to a different destination. I remember seeing Skaara among them, but the fact didn’t really register at all. I don’t think he saw me. One of the serpent guards chained me up: it was a solid metal block that served the same purpose as a pair of handcuffs, holding my hands together in front of me. I was led into a tiny cell and left there.

I have no idea how long I waited. My sense of time was all messed up. It could have been minutes, could have been a few days. I’d go with the former, though. I remember looking at the place where the door had been, wondering whether it could be opened from the inside, but I didn’t try anything. Maybe I didn’t have time. The door appeared again and opened. He was there.

Teal’c. I know his name, now. Teal’c. On that day, he was just another Goa’uld, to me. He was totally intimidating, physically. He’s close to seven feet tall, and on Earth we’d call him a body-builder. All solid muscle. Wearing the uniform of the serpent guards he looks like an evil villain out of a movie. The gold symbol on his forehead proclaimed his loyalty and absolute obedience to Apophis. But this was no movie. It was very real.

I didn’t even know this man’s name, if he was a _man_ at all, but in the long look we exchanged I understood he held my life in his hands. The bravado that had led me to rush forward in the dungeon was gone. I’m not ashamed to admit that I was scared shitless.

I remembered Sha’re’s eyes: cold, glowing with the eerie inner light of the Goa’uld. I’d practically begged for the same fate. I remembered Apophis’ order to kill, and my head was clear enough by then for me to be sickened by the memory. I had no doubt the order had been obeyed. Jack was dead, and Sam. The Stargate back on Earth would have been sealed...

So many questions were on the tip of my tongue as I looked at him. I came so close to babbling out everything I was thinking. Then the small amount of common sense I had left stopped me. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to let him know I could speak his language. I bit my tongue (literally) and kept my mouth shut.

He never said a word. A tilt of his head and the smallest gesture indicated I was to go with him. Afraid as I was, rebellion at that point seemed pointless. The staff weapon he still held could put a hole in me the size of a football. Among these “gods” even dying wouldn’t save me. I followed him.

Those transport rings took us into what I can only describe as a palace. It was all grey marble and high ceilings. I have a picture in my head of what a Hellenic temple would have looked like, and I think that picture is reasonably accurate. This wasn’t like that. It was closer to the nineteenth century imitations of Hellenic culture...

Yes, even in a situation like that, my busy brain was caught up noticing details. I suppose it’s not an unhealthy way of coping with stress.

It was a large hall with eight pillars around the sides. The floor was marble-tiled with a starburst patterned mosaic. There were heavy doors between the pillars. Through one of those doors, we entered a corridor which was brightly lit from above, though I couldn’t identify the source of the light. We went down a flight of stairs and through a second, heavy, door. That door led into a kind of entrance-hall. About nine feet ahead of us a grille of gold-plated metal blocked the way. The door behind us closed with a thud and I flinched. It sounded horribly final, like a prison door. Of course, as I learned later, that’s exactly what it was.

Teal’c touched something on the wall and that grille raised to let us through.

We were met by a woman, or I should say, Teal’c was. Her clothing would have got her arrested in Colorado. A top made of rich purple gauze covered her breasts, but concealed nothing. Her matching skirt was just a flap of material at the front, nothing at all at the back. Her skin was the colour of milk chocolate, her hair glossy black and worn long and loose: her hair covered a lot more than her clothing. She wore silver at her neck and wrists: a solid, Egyptian-style collar and plain, inch-wide gauntlets.

As the grille slid back into place behind us, she knelt in front of Teal’c. The movement had the kind of grace that comes from long practice. She kept her eyes lowered.

Teal’c spoke a single word: “Kyla.”

I decided that must be her name, as she looked up at the sound, then stood. She walked ahead of him through an archway. He gesture ordered me to follow. The archway led into a small but luxurious chamber. Lit by candles, the scent of burning wax was masked by something spicy, which I later learned was an oil-based incense. A number of pots and jars stood on shelves around the room. Kyla took a jug, pouring something from it into a wide-rimmed cup, and offered the cup to Teal’c. He took it and drank, and I suddenly realised it had been at least eight hours since I had a drink.

They both ignored my presence. Kyla helped Teal’c out of that serpent guard uniform, something she had obviously done many times. She placed each piece of clothing on a kind of covered bench in the middle of the room. Beneath the uniform, Teal’c has a body a lot of men would kill for. I was standing behind him, no more than three feet away: I got a good look. Not even an ounce of surplus fat, each muscle hard and defined...I got a sudden mental image of the old Olympic Games: Greek warriors competing in naked glory for laurel wreaths. Teal’c would have fitted right in.

When he was naked, Kyla produced a white robe from somewhere, and helped him put it on. A simple robe, open at the front and belted. Kyla knelt before him again, and he turned slightly. I thought he was going to speak to me, but he didn’t even look my way. He opened his robe.

I couldn’t help staring. A year earlier I think I would have died of embarrassment, but Sha’re knocked a lot of that out of me. He had opened the robe enough to reveal his erection...and, believe me, this guy could have made a stallion feel inadequate. I’m not saying I’ve seen a lot of cocks, but I couldn’t take my eyes off this one.

Kyla, still on her knees, moved closer to him. Her hands were clasped behind her back, and she had to stretch up to reach him. She began to pleasure him with her mouth. At first, she was teasing, just licking him, strokes that seemed to vary in length and pressure. Then she took his length into her mouth - well, as much as she could - and sucked him off properly. Through it all, Teal’c barely moved. He didn’t even thrust, just let her do all the work. A part of me was horrified to witness this, but I just couldn’t look away until he was finished.

Then I looked up. I found his eyes on me. I met his look: it felt like some sort of a challenge. That was when I realised I was aroused. (Who wouldn’t be, watching a display like that?) I _was_ embarrassed then.

Teal’c moved away from Kyla, walked over to one of the shelves and poured another drink. He brought the cup to me, and took a sip, his eyes not leaving mine. Then he lifted the cup to my lips and tipped it up so I could drink.

I was so thirsty by then I took a big gulp. It was an odd drink, thick like syrup but not sweet. It had an earthy taste, that’s the only way I can describe it. As he withdrew the cup the indignity of being fed by him jarred me into speaking.

“I’d rather feed myself. I’m not a pet,” I muttered, in English. At his raised eyebrow I lifted by still-chained hands, illustrating my words.

Teal’c touched the metal that bound me and it fell away. “You understand my words,” he stated flatly. “Can you speak them?”

I wondered what Jack would do in this sort of situation. No answers came to me. So I opted for the truth. In Teal’c’s language I answered, “Not well.”

“Then learn.” He began to turn away from me.

“What will happen to me?” I blurted. Once we had exchanged words, I couldn’t stay silent. I had to know.

He half-turned back to me. “Apophis has given you to me. As for what I intend, I have not decided. You will remain here. Your life can be pleasant if you do not resist.” He looked down at Kyla. “You have three hours to prepare him.” Without even looking at me again, he left the room. I heard the electric-like hum as the grille opened and closed again.

He was gone.

***

I took a deep breath, watching Kyla as she rose gracefully to her feet. For a few moments we just looked at each other. Neither of us knew what to say.

I raised a hand and tapped my chest. “Daniel,” I said. It would be a start, at least.

“Daniel,” she repeated. She put the emphasis on the last syllable, just as Sha’re always did.

I shook my head. “_DAN_iel,” I repeated, over-emphasising the first syllable. I wasn’t sure I could deal with hearing Sha’re’s voice every time this stranger spoke.

“_Dan_iel,” she said carefully, and I smiled and nodded. When I pointed to her, she said, “Kyla.”

So I had been correct about her name. I repeated it, and she seemed happy with my pronunciation. I pointed to the shelf with the jug and Teal’c’s cup. “Drink?” I asked her, using what I hoped was the correct word.

Kyla nodded again. “Please,” she said, pouring another cup. She handed it to me and I took the cup eagerly. I drank, probably too quickly. When I lowered the cup, Kyla began to unbutton my shirt. I gently moved her hands away.

“I must...” she began to say.

“I can do that myself,” I told her. I was probably mangling the language but she understood me.

“I will be punished if you refuse,” she told me. Then she turned her back on me and lifted her mane of hair aside. Her back showed the stripes of a whip, an extremely precise pattern on her skin.

Well, she had made her meaning clear enough. It may have been an empty threat, but I wasn’t going to risk her being harmed by my stubbornness. “I understand,” I said. “But you don’t have to serve me, Kyla. Just tell me what to do. Undress?”

“Yes, Daniel.”

I tried to keep underwear as a minimum for modesty but she wouldn’t have it. I was allowed to keep my glasses when I explained what they were. That was all. My clothes were left with the uniform she had taken off Teal’c and she led me, naked as the day I was born, out of the room. I had already gathered that nakedness wasn’t something to comment on, here: Teal’c’s behaviour and her own clothing made that clear. Nonetheless, it’s not something I was used to, and I felt more than a little uncomfortable.

She led me through a door into a room filled with steam. So much for my glasses. There was a table just inside the door. I left them there, and when I got used to it I saw the steam was coming from a large pool of water. It’s easiest to describe it as a sunken bath, but it was big enough for at least twelve people. More, if they were well acquainted. The water itself was clear, but floating on the surface were thousands of tiny leaves, the source of the odd smell of the steam. Kyla gestured and I walked down the steps into the water.

It was the most amazing luxury. The water was hot, almost too hot at first. I’d spent a year on Abydos, don’t forget. When you live in the desert, you don’t get to take baths. We washed in sand, literally. All our water was saved for drinking. So the idea of taking a long, hot bath was incredibly seductive. I didn’t need to be coerced for that, even though I _was_ wondering why, what purpose this might serve.

When I reached the bottom of the steps the water was almost chest-high on me, more than adequate to cover my nakedness. The leaves floating on the water concealed everything beneath the surface very effectively.

“Over here,” Kyla called, and I walked to where she waited. She was sitting on the edge of the bath, a tray beside her with several bottles and cloths. I found that the steps were only where I had walked. When I reached the edge I could feel some kind of ledge beneath the water at waist-height. A seat, I guessed, but I asked her anyway.

She laughed. “Of course. Come, sit. Relax.”

I gestured to the tray beside her. “I can do that for myself, too.”

“Strange that you would wish to,” she replied, teasing me, I think. She did move back, though she clearly wasn’t going to leave the room.

I sat down; the ledge was at exactly the right height to leave only my head above the water. The water was very hot, and it felt great. Heat like that relaxes the muscles, and for just a few moments I was able to calm my mind, too. It didn’t make my problems go away, far from it, but they were beginning to seem more distant. I tried to ignore or forget the fact that Kyla was watching me; I wanted to be alone. I remembered the serpent guard who had brought me here, the deliberate display of raw sexuality I had witnessed. The images replayed in my mind: the tension in his muscles as she knelt before him, teasing him with lips and tongue; the size of him, his perfect body; his remarkable restraint, even as he climaxed.

_Apophis has given you to me. As for what I intend, I have not decided._ Something told me that last had been a lie. He had wanted me to watch him with Kyla. There had been some purpose to it, a challenge of some sort. Evidence suggested I had found myself in some sort of harem. If I was right, I could see two possible futures. Neither exactly appealed to me.

Despite that disturbing thought, the memory of the scene was strong. I found myself becoming aroused again. At least this time the water concealed it. Without really thinking about it, I started to stroke myself.

Kyla dipped a large jug into the water and poured it over my hair. I didn’t object this time. She poured some other liquid over my hair and started to massage it in. Coincidentally, I hope, the rhythm of her hands matched the rhythm of my hand on my cock. It wasn’t long before I came. I think the only sound I made was a sigh. She poured water over me again, rinsing my hair, and then she slid into the bath beside me. I noticed she was now naked, except for the silver collar and gantlets, but it didn’t occur to me to back off, as I would have done even a few moments earlier.

(I should have realised right then that I’d been drugged. That little fact didn’t hit me until much later.)

Kyla was running a soft cloth over my skin beneath the water. I thought about taking over the task myself but she did seem to be enjoying herself. I stood up when she asked me to, and I did allow her to wash me. The soap or whatever it was had a delicious smell: I managed to identify lemon and cinnamon, but there was something else in there, too. When she washed my private parts I tried to move away. She murmured a reassurance and it was over quickly.

She led me by my hands back up the steps. After the heat of the water, the steamy air felt about moderate. She picked up my glasses and took me from the room, back to where we’d started. The serpent-guard’s uniform, and my clothes, were gone. Kyla asked me to lie down on the bench where my clothes had been.

I sat down on the edge of it, but wouldn’t do more. “Where are my clothes, Kyla? And what are you planning for me now?”

“What my Master desires,” she told me. Her hand pushed at my shoulder, firmly telling me to lie down.

I wasn’t so sure I wanted to please her “Master”, but again, I submitted to her will, lying down on my stomach. Kyla had a knack for getting what she wanted by giving in until she got it. I soon found out what she wanted this time: her hands, now slick with oil, began to move over my skin. She started with my feet, kneading the delicate skin with her knuckles, lifting each foot and slowly rotating it. She moved further up, my calves, the backs of my knees. What I had thought at first was plain oil, was having a warming effect on my skin. I _think_ it was the oil. She moved my legs apart, seeking access to my inner thighs. When her fingers stroked me there, I felt a flicker of renewed arousal and I sat up quickly, forcing her to stop. I would have given a lot right then for a towel. Or just my underpants.

Her hand rested on my shoulder again. “Relax, Daniel.”

“I can’t,” I told her. I shook my head, looking down at my traitorous cock. “I can’t believe the week I’m having,” I muttered to myself. First Apophis comes through my Stargate and takes Sha’re and Skaara, then Jack drags me back to Earth, we launch a rescue mission, which goes about as wrong as it possibly could..._Jack’s dead_, I remembered...then Sha’re becomes...whatever it is that she is now...and now I find myself here. What the hell was I doing? Why wasn’t I at least trying to escape?

Kyla said softly, “Daniel...” and I realised I was crying again. “I understand this is hard for you,” she said, still in that soft voice. “It will be much harder if you fight it. Please...” She handed me another cup. “...allow me to obey my Master.”

I heard what she had left unspoken this time: that it would be harder on her, too, if I refused to co-operate. I took the cup from her and drank without thinking.

“Maybe if you tell me what you’re going to do,” I offered.

Her eyes were lowered. “I must prepare your body and dress you before my Master returns.”

“Dress? Well...ah...that sounds good.” _Or perhaps not,_ I thought, remembering what she had been wearing. “But what do you mean by...um...” My head was spinning. I looked at the cup in my hands. “What is this stuff?”

“It is hanam. It will help you relax.”

Relax? It was doing a lot more than that! I raised the cup again, not tasting, this time, but taking in the scent. It stirred a memory, from somewhere. Not something I could place, though it left me thinking of one of the first digs I’d been on, in Mexico. I took another tentative sip, deliberately noting the taste. Earthy, with a slightly bitter edge. It wasn’t alcoholic.

“Come, Daniel,” Kyla said. But she spoke with Sha’re’s voice and that’s not a voice I’ve ever been able to resist. In a dream, I obeyed. She made me lie on my back. I tried to cover myself, but she guided my hands to my sides. “Don’t be shy. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful.” Her hands began to move over my thighs, rubbing that warming oil into my skin. “Yes, beautiful,” she repeated, keeping up the commentary. “Your skin is like fine silk beneath my fingers. The muscle beneath is firm...ah, yes, you are beginning to relax now.”

She parted my legs, her fingers sliding up my inner thighs. I heard myself sigh. Her hands lingered there, working the oil in. I felt her hand brush my balls and my body reacted. That’s not a response a man can control. Why would I _try_ to control it when Sha’re seemed so pleased? “This, too, is beautiful.” She deliberately stroked my swelling cock. “See how eagerly it rises to my touch,” she smiled.

_Kyla...not Sha’re ... _I managed to remember. Gently, I pulled her hand away. “Please, don’t.” I think I was speaking the language of Abydos.

Obediently, she moved on to my abdomen, but the long cat-like strokes over my flesh served only to arouse me further. The oil was making my skin glow, and her hands were making the rest of me react...all the more when she leaned over me to get more oil and her breasts brushed my skin. Her hands moved over my chest, lingering teasingly on my nipples. Her eyes returned to my cock, which was achingly hard by then, with the foreskin drawn back from the head, glistening with oil.

She moved away from the bench briefly, wiping her hands on a cloth, and returned with a different bottle of oil. She began to anoint my cock with it. Her touch was gentle but impersonal; she was no longer trying to arouse. It was easier to ignore...no, let’s correct that. I’m human: I can’t ignore something like that. Resist, maybe. I stared up at the ceiling, which was the same grey-veined marble as the floor of the hall, and it dawned on me that these chambers must be below it.

My attention was drawn away from that piece of information when I felt something cold touch my cock.

I gasped and looked down to see Kyla working a thick ring of metal over my cock.

Now, I like to consider myself open-minded. I know different cultures have different customs and normally I do my best to adapt. But this was going a bit far. I tried to tell her that, but she didn’t hear my protests. I guess I could have forced her to stop. At the time, all I did was lie back and take it. Kyla was only following orders.

Her actions did, however, make it clear what my position in this place was to be.

When she was satisfied the ring was in place, Kyla asked me to turn over. _That_ wasn’t easy, but after a while I found a position that let me lie on my front without crushing my erection: one leg drawn up to give myself a bit of space. She continued to massage my shoulders and arms, slowly moving lower. The cockring made sure my erection didn’t subside at all, but gradually I began to relax.

When I felt her hands on my buttocks, it didn’t occur to me to protest. She poured warm oil over the base of my spine, causing a trickle of it to flow between my cheeks. Her hands swept the pooled oil across my hips and she pushed my cheeks together, then released them. She repeated the same motion several times. It put a slight but pleasant pressure on my anus. Then her finger stroked the valley between my cheeks, a fingernail scratching across my anus. I couldn’t help reacting, but it wasn’t to make her stop. She poured more oil, then began to rub my anus deliberately, with the pad of her thumb. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew there was something wrong with this, but I no longer cared.

It seemed only natural when she slipped a finger inside me. Just a little way, then she went back to just rubbing. A second time she slid inside, it almost seemed an accident. She stretched my opening slowly, with such skill I barely registered what she was preparing me for. She took a long time over it.

Then I heard, “Your opinion.” A man’s voice. A voice I knew.

I looked up and he was there again, that serpent guard, watching as my body was laid bare to his gaze. At that moment, she pushed three fingers into me, probing deeply. Her fingertips touched something deep within and I cried out involuntarily.

“He is tight, Master,” Kyla said. “But, as you see, he responds well.”

“We shall see,” he rumbled. “Finish your work.”

“Master,” she said contritely, and I wondered what she thought had displeased him.

Her hands left my body and I thought about getting up. That would have exposed my erection to his gaze...more than enough incentive to stay exactly where I was. Kyla returned with a bundle in her hands. She placed it beneath the bench and began to touch me again, deliberately spreading my cheeks. I squirmed beneath their combined gazes and looked away, resting my forehead on my crossed arms, unwilling to meet either look. I felt a new sensation, then: something hard and cold being inserted into my body. That was going too far. I started to get up, but found myself held down. Not hard, but my muscles were responding sluggishly and I felt weak as a new-born kitten. Whatever it was, Kyla pushed it deeply inside me. It felt...good. Uncomfortably so.

“Stand,” Teal’c ordered.

Stand? With that thing in my ass? That was clearly what he meant. Kyla helped me up, and it was just as well she did: I couldn’t right then, have stood on my own. She knelt, reaching under the bench and drew out something I couldn’t identify at once: a collection of pale leather strips. Deftly, she put it on me. I was too busy trying to stay upright to resist. The leather was bound tightly around my hips, two strips at the front went down between my legs, one on each side of my genitals, forcing my cock and scrotum into prominence and secured at the back, holding the thing she had placed in my anus in place. There was a wide strip of leather that hung down at the back, just barely covering my ass, but nothing covered me in front. It was the most horrible, most erotic thing I had ever seen.

Her task complete, Kyla stood back. Teal’c said nothing at all. His gesture asked me to turn. At this, I balked. I wasn’t going to display myself in this state. My pathetic show of rebellion had no effect. He simply walked around me instead, his eyes taking in every detail.

I loathed it. I loathed him.

He took my forearm in one hand and I almost winced at the strength of his grip. He placed a heavy bronze manacle on my wrist and snapped it shut. He repeated the action on my other wrist. I looked at the manacles. Heavy, apparently solid metal, I couldn’t see where the two pieces joined, or any mechanism to release them. Teal’c then placed a wide collar around my neck: it was almost decorative, moulded bronze in a feather-pattern, but its purpose was clear. There was even a loop on the front where a chain or rope might be attached.

“Come,” he said to me.

“No,” I replied.

He met my eyes with that steady, implacable gaze. Then he seized my wrist and walked from the room, forcing me to follow.

That was my first day in slavery. The night was just beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

I had a sense of his strength before, when I saw him unclothed. To feel it was entirely different. His hand over my wrist was like iron, his grip tight but not painful. He carried me along behind him, apparently not caring whether I walked or was dragged along the tiles. I only just managed to keep up. He took me to a room at the far end of the corridor, almost threw me through the doorway. I lost my balance and fell. He grasped the collar I wore and dragged me back up.

The ease with which he handled me was terrifying. He was twice as strong as he looked. He could have broken me in two as easily as snapping a twig. He held me by the collar, upright, but on my knees. For five long seconds he held my gaze. If I’d been Sha’re, I’d have spit in his face. She was always fond of dramatic gestures. Instead, I just knelt there, silently cursing my own weakness, wishing I had the guts to _try_ and punch him out.

He laid his free hand flat on my chest, on the left, a few inches above my nipple. Burning pain hit me at his touch. Unprepared for it, I screamed. He withdrew his hands and I collapsed to the ground again. The pain receded quickly and I was left with a dull ache.

When I was able to look up, I saw him removing some sort of device from his hand. I looked down at my chest. Right where he had touched me there was a mark: a symbol of some kind incorporating the serpent of Apophis. It wasn’t a hieroglyphic I knew, but the meaning was obvious. I was branded now. Property.

“Over here.”

On the far side of the room there was a table, only about a foot high, spread with dishes of food: fruit, cold meats, something that looked like bread. I hadn’t eaten since I stepped through the Stargate with Jack the day before, and the sight alone was enough to remind me of the fact.

“Come,” Teal’c said again. I couldn’t even think of disobeying. I walked over to the table and sat down where he directed. He sat on the opposite side.

“Eat,” he told me.

I didn’t need any more encouragement: I was ravenous. I had to force myself to eat slowly. The food was excellent: tart fruit, cold meat served with different sauces, a heavy nut-like bread and a jug full of a hot liquid with a sharp citrus taste. I ate in silence, while he watched.

Finally, my immediate need satisfied, I looked up at him again. I wished I could read his expression.

“Ask your questions,” he said.

“What?”

“I know you have questions. Ask.”

Where could I start? A lot of the answers I didn’t really want to hear. (What happened to Jack and Sam? Had I really seen Skaara among the ‘chosen’ prisoners?) Other things I wanted to ask probably wouldn’t be answered. (Where was I?) Whoever, or whatever this man was, he controlled my fate now.

“Who are you? _What_ are you? You’re not a Goa’uld.” Actually, I wasn’t certain of that. But I hadn’t yet seen any of the physical signs I had come to associate with Ra and his kind. His voice was normal, too.

He answered, “I am a Jaffa. First Prime of Apophis.”

“First Prime,” I repeated. “Is that like ... a general or something?”

“I command Apophis’ forces.”

“That’s what I meant. So what does that make me - a reward for long and faithful service?”

“No. For one service.”

The matter-of-fact way he said it made my stomach churn. I didn’t ask. “What happened to the others? The ones that were chosen.”

“They were chosen as the children of the gods. Do you understand what that means?”

I nodded. Yes, I understood all too well. His words brought Sha’re to mind and it was some minutes before I could speak again. There had to be some way to save her. I had no idea how, but it _had_ to be possible.

Trying to look anywhere but at him, I ended up staring down at myself; at the way I was dressed. I looked up again, to find him watching me intently. “Has it occurred to you,” I asked, “that I’d rather die than be...what you obviously expect me to be?”

“Dying is not one of your choices.”

I placed my hand over the mark he’d placed on my chest. “I don’t seem to _have_ choices.”

“You do.”

“Care to enlighten me?”

“Your choices will become clear in time.” Teal’c stood, indicating that I should do the same.

As I started to get up, he moved to stand behind me. His proximity made me nervous and I tried to step away. He grabbed me, pulling me back against him. The robe he wore was soft against my skin. His hands splayed across my stomach as I struggled to get away from him. It was useless; one of his hands held me securely, the other slid lower down my body. I felt his fist close around my cock and he started to stroke me.

I was hard, because of the cockring Kyla had put on me but I hadn’t been in the least aroused. That changed with his touch. I couldn’t believe the speed of my reactions. Moments before I’d been fighting to hold back tears for my Sha’re. Now I was melting in this man’s arms, becoming more aroused by the second. I couldn’t control it. The strength drained out of me and I leaned back against his chest. His fingers circled one of my nipples and I heard myself moan.

One more touch and I would have begged him.

Abruptly, his hands were gone from me. I stumbled as he released me and it took a moment to regain my balance. I was confused, and (let’s be honest) a little disappointed.

I heard him say, “Kyla,” and only then did I see her waiting in the doorway. How long had she been there? Watching us.

“Find him somewhere to sleep,” Teal’c ordered.

She bowed her head. “Yes, my Master.” She glanced at me through lowered eyes. “Come, Daniel.”

With genuine relief, I began to follow. Teal’c stopped me. His hand closed over my shoulder with a painfully tight grip. “What did you say?” he demanded.

I hadn’t said anything.

I stared up at him; his eyes were fixed on Kyla. I looked at her in confusion. She was trembling.

“My Master,” she said softly, “I...”

He turned me to face him with one easy flick of his wrist. A large hand gripped me around my neck. He didn’t cut off my air, but it was clear how easily he could. His eyes, black diamonds, bored into mine. I couldn’t figure out what I had done.

When he began to speak, I learned. “In this place, _slave_, you are nothing but what I say. You are _nothing_. You _own_ nothing. Not even a name, until you earn it. Do you understand?” His hand tightened fractionally around my throat.

Kyla begged, “Master!”

“Do you understand?” Teal’c repeated.

I nodded - as much as I could.

“Speak!”

I managed to gasp out a “Yes!”

“Do you understand?”

“Yes...Master.” I choked, whether on the word or his fist I can’t say.

He released me. I rubbed at my neck. I knew I would be bruised the next day.

While I stood there in shock, Teal’c was looking at Kyla. If he gave a signal, I never saw it. Kyla reached up and removed the gauze that covered her breasts. The material floated to the ground, followed by her skirt. She stood naked before both of us, her head bowed.

I wondered what sort of punishment she was anticipating. She looked terrified.

“Kyla,” he said.

She walked to the wall. There was an abstract design carved on a section of it. Kyla touched a part of that design and the whole section of the wall drew aside. It revealed a display of ... well, I couldn’t tell if I was looking at instruments of torture or a fetishist’s paradise. Leather whips, restraints and some things I still can’t name were displayed there. Kyla selected a thick leather strap and handed it to Teal’c.

“Stand,” he ordered.

She stood in the middle of the room, her legs widely apart, her arms outstretched. It put her body on display. Teal’c began to walk around her.

I couldn’t just stand there and watch this! What had she done? Nothing, so far as I could tell, except call me by my name! I saw Teal’c raise his arm and I leapt forward, trying to wrest the strap from him. He pushed me away easily and I went crashing into the wall.

“_She_ transgressed, not you. You cannot spare her, only share her punishment.” He hauled me up, lifting my arms and capturing both of my wrists above my head. He shoved me up against the wall. I heard a distinct _click _and I was trapped there.

Teal’c returned to Kyla. She hadn’t moved. He raised the strap in his hand...

It didn’t last long, but by the time it was over Kyla was weeping. Her chocolate-coloured skin didn’t show red marks in the same way mine would have, and the strap was too wide to leave weals. Just the same, it was obvious she was in pain. Through it all, I struggled against the chain that held me, but I knew from the start it was pointless. When Teal’c turned away from her, finally, Kyla sank to her knees.

He put the strap away, and came to release me. As he reached above my head, I looked into his face. Dark skin, dark eyes...he _looked_ human. But how could a man do what he just had to a woman?

“What kind of monster are you?” I whispered.

Teal’c released my hands and turned away as if he hadn’t heard. He looked down at Kyla, naked and weeping on the floor of the room. “Find him somewhere to sleep,” he ordered.

“Yes, my Master,” she answered. She rose to her feet slowly and looked at me. “Come,” she said softly.

I followed.

***

Kyla held the drapes aside and I ducked within. I could hear other people around us - the first time I had been aware of others here. Sounds of sleep, low voices, a couple making love...it reminded me a lot of Abydos. On the other side of the drapes, cushions and woven blankets were heaped in a pile on the floor. A bed?

“This is the place where I sleep,” Kyla said to me. “You may share it with me.”

I looked down at the bed. “Kyla...I don’t know. This is...” I swallowed, not sure what she was asking of me.

She obviously understood what was on my mind. “I offered you my bed, not my body. You will find it more comfortable than a corner somewhere.”

I took a deep breath. _Come on, Daniel. Time to stop thinking like an American._ “Kyla, thank you. I’m sorry I...”

She silenced me with a finger over my lips. “No apology is needed. Let me help you undress.”

I hesitated, but made no objection. She had already seen enough of me to make modesty pointless. Her hands deftly stripped me of the scant clothing she had prepared with such care earlier. I do prefer to sleep naked, in any environment. She carefully removed the cockring, then the phallus from my anus. That was truly a relief.

“Are those things really necessary?” I asked her as she set them aside.

“We must obey.”

“Perhaps you must. I’m not a slave, Kyla. I can’t just accept all this.”

“I know.” She placed a hand over the mark on my chest. It no longer hurt. “You are a virgin, no? The Master thinks you are. It would be wise to accept. You do not know the terrible things that could happen if you fight.” She took my hand in hers and led me toward the bed. “Come,” she said.

I quit resisting and followed her lead.

***

When I awoke, Kyla was still sleeping. She stirred in her dream as I rose, but she didn’t wake. I ignored the sorry excuse for clothing I had worn the previous night: that costume covered less than total nakedness. I used one of the blankets to cover myself. It was awkward but it would do. Then I lifted the drapes aside and crept out.

It took me a while to get my bearings. I did see other people around, but for the most part they ignored me. I made my way to the grille where I had entered the day before. The serpent-guard had touched something on the wall to open it. The wall was grey-veined marble, just like the rest of this building. There was some carving around the pillars and a row of coloured studs set into the wall at about shoulder height. Otherwise it was plain. The studs might have been jewels or glass, I couldn’t really tell. One of them must be the key. I looked carefully at each one, touching them, trying to figure out how the grille opened.

The duty of a prisoner is to escape. It must have been Jack who told me that, though I don’t remember when. It’s true, anyway. If I’d stopped to think about it, I would have realised I had no chance at all. Even if I managed to open the grille, what then? I didn’t even know what planet I was on. I had been brought here by ship, not by Stargate, so I couldn’t even guess at what symbols might get me home...and that was even assuming there was a Stargate here. And assuming I could find it. _And _assuming it wasn’t guarded. And assuming I even _could_ go home: I was fairly sure that Jack’s death meant the end of Earth’s Stargate program. Hammond must have sealed and buried the Gate by now.

That morning, however, I wasn’t thinking at all. I got up with the sole purpose of finding some way to escape. The more I explored that wall, the more desperate I became. The mere idea of having to stay here, of being that serpent-guard’s sex-toy, made me sick to my stomach.

But it didn’t matter what I did. I couldn’t open that grille.

“You cannot open that.”

I turned to see Kyla standing behind me. How long had she been watching? “Do you know how this opens?” I asked her. She probably thought of it as magic, I realised. _I_ might recognise it as technology, but even that got me no closer to knowing how it worked. Some of the technology of the Goa’uld was so advanced it might as well be magic. But this was just a door, dammit!

She walked up to the wall, touching an orange jewel. “Touching this opens the gate and the door beyond. But it will open only for the gods, or those who serve them.”

“How? Do they use some sort of device? Maybe it’s keyed to fingerprints...or genetically coded...” Kyla was frowning and I shut up. She had no idea what I was talking about.

“Please, come. I will show you around.” Kyla made no comment on what I was wearing.

I decided my escape attempt was doomed, at least for the moment. It might help to know the lay of the land. So I was happy to let her give me the five-cent tour.

My prison really was a harem. The only way in or out was through that grille I couldn’t open. The main corridor had about twenty chambers coming off it. Most didn’t have doors; muslin drapes served that purpose. Three of the chambers were baths, like the one I had used the day before. Others were recreational rooms of various kinds, or sleeping chambers. These people didn’t sleep in beds as an American would use the word. The climate was temperate, and blankets weren’t needed other than for comfort’s sake. “Bedrooms” were separated by drapes, each bed nothing more than cushions piled on the floor. If that gives the impression we were uncomfortable, think again. In many ways it was more comfortable than the beds I knew. The only thing lacking was privacy.

At the far end of the corridor a large archway opened into a vast, mirrored chamber. On the far side of that, a further door opened into a large, high-walled garden. Those who lived in the harem had almost every conceivable luxury: except the only one that mattered to me. My freedom.

Kyla introduced me to some of the others who lived there. An elderly man called Vorshan was in charge of the harem. He was the only person I saw there who was fully dressed. Historically, a man in charge of a place like this would have been a eunuch. If this man was, I couldn’t tell. He certainly didn’t fit any of the clichés: Vorshan was tall and slim with an aristocratic bearing. He was served by a number of children, most of them boys, who according to Kyla carried messages and ran errands for the other slaves.

Through Kyla, I met the other slaves, too. Most of them were women, but about half a dozen were men. I tried to be polite, I really did. But I wasn’t exactly in a sociable mood.

Okay, so I was feeling sorry for myself. I think in my situation, a little self-pity is understandable. I hadn’t yet given up hope, but my future was looking bleak.

***

When I saw my reflection in the mirror I was looking at a stranger.

I still wore that wide, bronze collar around my neck and manacles on each wrist. These could not be removed. Around my waist I wore a wide belt, from which hung many fine chains, forming a skirt that reached to mid-thigh. The “skirt” swung with every movement I made, doing nothing at all to conceal my erection, which was kept hard as before with a tight cockring. Again, I wore an oiled leather phallus in my ass, this one larger than the last. I hated that more than anything. With every step I took, it moved inside me, stimulating that pleasure-spot within, keeping me aroused whether I liked it or not. Combine that with the intoxicating effects of the hanam I had been drinking - it was either that or go thirsty - and I was very uncomfortable.

I wasn’t planning to give in to those feelings. I did have some pride left, and enough self-control. But, oh god, it was hard!

I couldn’t escape the sight of myself, either. Every wall of that chamber was mirrored, everywhere I looked, I saw myself. Until I looked at _him_. His black eyes held mine.

I still can’t name what magnetism drew me to him whenever our eyes met. It wasn’t attraction, at least, I don’t think so. It certainly wasn’t love; I hated him and everything he stood for. Yet something drew me to him. Sha’re would have called it an awareness of my destiny. Maybe she would have been right.

I knelt when he ordered me to. It wasn’t worth the punishment to resist and I had decided during the day that I would have to choose my battles carefully. I was here because I had acted rashly back in the prison, but my reasons for doing so still held. I wanted to find Sha’re, and get us _both_ out of here. If I was to succeed, I had no choice but to co-operate for the time being.

Teal’c walked around me slowly. I kept my eyes on him, not lowered as I knew was “proper”. He lifted my chin with one hand. “You _are_ beautiful,” he said to me. His fingers slid from beneath my chin down my neck to the edge of my collar. His touch was electric, sending a new flame of arousal through my body. I didn’t understand my reactions. How could this man I hated turn me on?

He pushed a sandaled foot between my knees. “Open your legs wider,” he commanded. “I want to see you.”

I struggled to obey, while he barked new commands, occasionally illustrating his words with a light kick. Eventually he got me in the position he wanted. Kneeling on the tiled floor, my knees wide apart but my feet together. My back was painfully straight. My hands clasped behind my back. The chains of the skirt I wore fell on either side of my erect cock, brushing my scrotum gently. I felt horribly vulnerable.

Satisfied, he began to touch me again: his hand rimmed my collar then slid down over my chest. My nipples tingled with anticipation and I was shocked to realise I _wanted_ him to touch me. But he withdrew his hand.

“Passionate indeed,” he said as he stepped back, looking down at me with that impassive mask I later learned to recognise. “You _are_ ready, aren’t you? You need a release. You need to come.”

He was right, but I wasn’t going to admit it. I had been kept stimulated in different ways all day, kept aroused by drugs and props...that arousal was only increased by his touch, and redoubled by his words. His calm voice touched a dark place inside me. Faced with that truth, for an instant I could barely breathe.

“Well?” he asked me.

I hadn’t realised he expected an answer. I looked up into his eyes and I knew he would see straight though a lie. I nodded reluctantly. “Yes...Master.”

“Then go ahead,” he instructed. “Come for me.”

I didn’t move. I couldn’t quite believe what I’d heard. We weren’t alone in the chamber: beside Kyla, watching with patient detachment, there were at least six other slaves, most occupied with various tasks, all watching me, I knew.

I stammered, “Y-you want me t-to...”

“I want you to obey!” he barked. Has Kyla not even taught you this much? Make yourself come. Or would you prefer I do it for you?”

I didn’t miss either of the threats.

I said nothing, but I did obey. Reluctantly, I took my cock into my hand. The moment I touched myself, though...oh, god, I needed that! My flesh burned beneath my fingers as I began to stroke myself. I was aware, in a distant sort of way, that this was totally unlike me. The fine chains I wore tinkled softly as I moved. I forgot there were eyes on me. I abandoned my cock, reaching below to cup my sac, teasing myself. My other hand strayed across my chest, pinching a nipple in the touch Teal’c had denied me. I couldn’t tease myself for long; my need was too great. I ran my fingertips over the head of my cock, bathing in the fluid gathering there. Then I began to stroke myself again, more urgently.

As my orgasm built, Teal’c leaned closer. I no longer cared that he was watching me. He had been right; I needed release too badly. I pumped harder, orgasm somehow eluding me.

He said, “Now,” and I came at last, crying out with the release. My essence covered the tiles and my hand. I collapsed forward, feeling weak.

Then I felt a different kind of heat rising in my cheeks. I flushed with embarrassment, acutely aware of my audience again. Teal’c took my hand and pulled me to my feet. When our eyes met, I fully expected him to throw me to the ground and take me. But he looked away, dismissing me from his attention.

“You may go,” he said.

Seizing the opportunity, I fled.

***

I had nowhere else to go, so I returned to the bed I shared with Kyla. I undressed myself, grabbed a cloth and headed for the baths. It took a long time to wash that experience off me, but no one came looking for me. Eventually, I returned to bed. I found Kyla there, just beginning to undress. She looked up as I ducked through the drapes.

“Are you alright?” she asked me.

“No,” I answered honestly. I sat down among the cushions, pulling one into my lap. “What’s happening to me, Kyla? I never felt like that before. Never.”

“It’s the hanam. You know this.”

I shook my head. The hanam did have some powerful effects, it was true. But I didn’t think that accounted for everything. “Maybe,” I shrugged. “I think it’s more than that.”

She knelt behind me, her hands gently kneading my shoulders. “Why does it frighten you so? Our Master will not be denied.”

Unconsciously, I leaned back into her touch. “I got that impression.”

“It will be easier,” she said, her hands still massaging me, “if you simply accept.”

Kyla said that a lot. I think she was trying to give me the benefit of her experience, but the trouble is, no one can learn a really hard lesson that way. “I can’t,” I said.

“Can you accept this?” she whispered. I felt her hair, soft as silk, fall over my shoulder an instant before I felt her lips on my skin.

I pulled away. “Kyla...”

She kissed me on my mouth, cutting off the rest of my words. I resisted for about a second, then I returned her kiss. She tasted sweet and fresh, like strawberries. Kyla melted into my arms and I held her close as we kissed, the kiss becoming more and more heated. She lifted one of my hands and placed it over her breast. The nipple was hard against my palm and I massaged gently.

Kyla moaned into my mouth. The sound brought me to my senses. I wrenched my mouth away from hers. “Kyla, please. I can’t.” _Can’t_ I said. I’m sure she could feel that a part of me, at least, was very capable.

Kyla had every right to be angry, but all she did was stroke my cheek. “Why is it so hard for you?”

“I...er...you’re a beautiful woman, Kyla, but...I...I’m married.” I was still holding her.

“Married?” she repeated, softly. “Where is your wife, now?”

I swallowed. “She’s...” I owed her the truth. “She was taken by the Goa’uld. They made her a host.”

She cupped my cheek again. “Then she is gone. I am sorry.”

The words, not something I was prepared to hear said aloud, cut my like a knife. I pushed Kyla away from me. “You don’t know that! You can’t!” I remembered my words to Apophis: _Something of the host must survive_.

Kyla wasn’t hurt, fortunately. I watched her get up, slowly. She knelt in front of me, tears shining in her eyes. “I do know, Daniel. I do know.”

There was a story there. I wasn’t strong enough to ask, though I know she wanted me to. Needed it, perhaps. I could see she was upset. I took her back into my arms and held her close.


	3. Chapter 3

I sat on a dais, at Teal’c’s side. The room was dark, lit only by candles that filled the air with the rich scent of burning wax. Teal’c had attached a chain to my collar; he held the other end between his hands. I hadn’t thought it was possible for me to hate him more until he did that. What was I - his favourite pet?

In the middle of the room, two slaves performed an erotic dance. The performance was for Teal’c’s pleasure, of course, but from where I sat I had a good view. It was a sensual performance: stylised seduction escalating rapidly into foreplay. I was beginning to wonder if the sex would be simulated or real.

But I wasn’t really watching. My mind was occupied with the conversation I’d had with Kyla the night before. We hadn’t made love, though Kyla had made it clear she was more than willing. We had talked for hours, as I held her in my arms. She asked me about Sha’re, and I had told her many things. Good memories...happy memories.

The time I spent on Abydos...a little over a year, on Earth...was beginning to fade. Sharing those memories with Kyla, I realised how unreal it now felt. Like a dream I once had.

I was startled out of my thoughts by a hand on my bare back; a light caress. I turned to my Master, but his eyes were still on the dancers. I tried to give my attention to the performance. A moment later, he pulled the chain I wore tighter. His hand slid between my thighs. Instinctively, I tried to pull away. He grabbed me and pulled me off the dais. I ended up on my knees in front of him.

I looked up, a little shocked by the rough treatment. He held me by the back of my neck. For a moment, I didn’t have a clue what was happening. Then he moved aside his robe and started to push me down. I saw his hard-on against the white robe he wore and I panicked.

I would accept - under protest - being dressed like this. I would accept being forced to serve this man. But I would never, ever accept this!

I wrenched away from him and tried to get up. He still held the chain - I didn’t get far. He yanked the chain back, dragging me across the floor. He used the collar and chain to pull me up until my face was level with his.

“Must I teach you your place, _slave_?”

“Fuck off!” I told him, in English. In his own language, I added, “You’re the one who told me I have choices. Well, I _choose_ not to be your catamite, you bastard!” (I think that last word came out in Russian. It’s a great language to swear in).

Whatever, I guess he caught my drift. “Choice is so important to you?” he asked, his tone dangerous.

I retorted, “As it is to any _free_ man.” I expected a slap in the face at the very least for that.

He stood, dragging me up with him. “Very well. Choice.” Leading me on the chain behind him, he marched from the room.

***

He led me into a chamber I hadn’t seen before. There was a _thing_ in the middle of the floor: a large framework of metal and leather. I didn’t have time to take it in properly, but my first impression was of a child’s jungle-gym. Teal’c lifted me bodily off the ground and placed me in the middle of that contraption. I got a glimmer of what he was planning to do and I started to struggle. As before, it was pointless. All I managed to do was wrench my shoulder trying to get away. He got both of my wrists strapped to the frame, then my ankles. He paused, I don’t know why, then spent longer attaching other straps to my legs, arms and waist. When he was done, I was tied down so tightly I could barely move.

I was strapped to a flexible frame, my arms stretched out above my head, my legs spread wide and bent at the knee. The frame allowed him to move my body into any position he wanted. And there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it.

To begin with, he tilted the frame upright, so most of my weight was supported by my arms. I had to grip the frame tightly or I’d have lost the flow of blood to my hands. For ten seconds (I counted - I do that when I’m terrified) there was silence. I knew he was there, but I could neither see nor hear where he was.

“First, you will learn what it is to be a slave.” The words were coming from behind me. I craned my neck, but it was impossible for me to see. “Then...” I heard something move through the air, even felt the wind on my bare ass. “...We’ll see about that choice that’s so important to you.”

I thought I knew what was about to happen. I was tense, anticipating pain.

I wasn’t disappointed.

The first few strokes were laid across the small of my back. Odd that I remember that single detail. He was using a thin, flexible switch. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of crying out. I did manage to stay silent at the beginning, but it didn’t last. My skin burned with every stroke. He moved from my back to my arms and then I could see his face as he raised the switch. His expression was as impassive as always. Only his eyes, glittering like jagged obsidian, revealed he was even involved in what he was doing.

The muscles of my chest and inner arms, already stretched to the limit by my position, became painful then agony under his assault. Each stroke was a starburst of pain that receded into a brand-like heat. He gave me just enough time between strokes to recover. There was a rhythm to it, and I couldn’t help anticipating the next blow.

Then something happened. The pain I was feeling over every inch of flesh began to...not lessen but change, transmuting into warmth, every sensation magnified but somehow not unpleasantly so. I found that instead of anticipating each stroke, each new starburst of pain, I was longing for it. I didn’t hate my tormentor any longer. I was weeping with the pain, but the sound I heard coming from my mouth wasn’t pain or protest. If he had stopped right then, I think I would have begged him to continue.

Eventually, through a haze of pain and exhaustion, I realised it was over. Every part of my body burned. I became aware, to my shame, that I was aroused. No, not merely aroused: I was painfully hard, my cock dripping with my need. That was the worst torment yet: the humiliation of knowing he could see that, knowing that he _knew_.

He turned the frame, suddenly. I cried out, my muscles protesting at the sudden change of position. I was lying facing the ceiling, supported by the straps holding me to the frame. My arousal, my entire body was exposed to his view. It was horrible...it was intoxicating. God, he was showing me parts of myself I had never imagined could exist.

I wanted him.

His eyes raked hotly over my body, and I began to wonder seriously if I could come from that alone. At some point he had removed his robe. His body was as magnificent as I remembered it, a sheen of perspiration delineating each muscle. But my view of him wasn’t as detached as my earlier assessment of him had been. What had I compared him with, a Greek athlete? Now I saw a single bead of sweat run from his collarbone down his chest and longed to follow its path. Longed to taste it. Because of my position, I could see him only from the waist up, but believe me that was enough.

The moment he touched me, I was lost.

Such a small touch: his fingertips on one of my nipples. I heard a sound, a whimper, and I realised it had come from me.

He leaned over me, his mouth barely an inch from my own. I could feel the heat of his breath as he spoke. “Time to make a choice, slave. What do you want?”

I felt ready to explode. Just a touch...I swear, I didn’t consciously make a decision. I just took a breath and the words spilled out. “Fuck me. Take me, Master. Please.”

Master. It was the only name I had for him.

His fingers pinched my nipple again. “You are sure?”

“Yes! Yes, Master, please!”

He tied a thick, black cloth over my eyes and I realised my torment wasn’t going to end any time soon. Being deprived of sight, my other senses strained toward him. He moved the frame again, turning me over. Then I felt shockingly cold metal against the skin of my ass. I gasped, but the cold didn’t last. It was a blade: he cut away the last remnants of the clothing I wore. Then I felt him remove the leather phallus from my ass. I had loathed its presence, but remembering his size, I was grateful for it, suddenly. Those muscles had become used to penetration. He probed inside me, not gently, with one finger. I writhed in my restraints, struggling to get closer to him. I heard him laugh and withdraw his touch. I could _feel_ him moving around me. Then he said, “Suck me,” and I felt his cock push at my lips.

Knowing it was the only way I would get my own release, I obeyed. You’d think a man would have some idea what another man wants in that department. I didn’t have a clue. It didn’t matter too much: he had ordered me to suck, so that’s what I did. Oh, god, the taste of him was like nothing I’d ever known. Salty, bitter, musk...indescribably delicious. After the first few moments, I wanted more. I took as much of him as I could into my throat. I was practically trying to swallow him.

I don’t know how long it lasted. Finally, he drew away from me. My jaw was aching, to match every other part of me, but instead of relief, all I felt was loss. I had been able to ignore by own, aching need while enjoying his. Now that need was back, stronger than before...pleasure tipped over the edge into pain.

He ran a hand over my ass.

The words just overflowed. I have no idea what I said, or even what language I was speaking. I doubt I was very coherent. I do know I was begging him, and I know he understood that.

He was there, pushing into me. It was the best, worst, most terrifying feeling in the world. My entire focus was on that sensation, my muscles stretching to accommodate him, my whole body straining toward him, too, too much yet never enough. I was sure I couldn’t take all of him, but he pushed in relentlessly until I did, until I could feel his balls against my ass. Then he stopped. I think I was still begging. His hand reached around me and he slowly stroked my cock.

That was all it took. My climax, held back for so long, was shattering. I’ve never, ever come so hard. It seemed to go on forever. I think I blacked out for a second.

He was thrusting inside me, hard and merciless, not so much taking my virginity as beating it out of me. Recovering from the most intense orgasm of my life, I couldn’t believe what was happening...couldn’t believe I was longing for it.

In the moment of his climax, he leaned forward over my body, his arms closing around me. He surrounded me completely, within and without and I was held there, in the absolute centre of his world. I could feel him shaking with the force of his orgasm and he muttered a word I didn’t know. His seed flooded me so deep, so hot it should have reached my heart.

And it was over.

My head was spinning as he released me from the frame. I was cold, suddenly, tears still wet on my cheeks and fresh tears soaking into the blindfold I still wore. He lifted my face as if to look into my eyes: a gentle caress.

“It is a beginning,” he said, and even blindfold, I could _feel_ his eyes boring into me. “Why do you fight so hard? Your body was made for this.”

Then he walked out of the room, leaving me there, blind.

***

That was the last I saw of him for three days.

From Vorshan I learned that Apophis’ forces had gone into battle, but the names and places meant nothing to me. I wondered what would happen to me if Teal’c were killed - not out of concern for him, but what happens to a slave with no master?

In our master’s absence, Kyla was placed in charge of my “training”. She was a far gentler mistress than he was and her interest in me, other than that one night, wasn’t sexual. (I wonder if Teal’c had asked her to seduce me that night? If he did, she failed: we never got past a few kisses. Still, that was the only time she ever showed that sort of interest in me.) She taught me the things that were expected of a slave: the “correct” obeisance, how to speak, how to behave. She taught me, too, the kinds of sexual services I could be asked for: I was a reluctantly fascinated student, but those lessons more than anything brought home to me what I was. Property. A pet.

No...that couldn’t be entirely true. There had been more than lust in what passed between us. I remembered the moment he had held me, the word he said as he came. I remembered his caress when he left me. There had been something else there. Some intimacy. I was sure.

I would have been happier if I’d believed I was only a fuck to him.

He had shown me parts of myself I never knew existed. I didn’t even know this man’s name! Yet I had wanted him...I still wanted him.

That was a tough admission for me. It was only days since I’d been living on Abydos, the happiest man in the galaxy, with a beautiful wife I adored, friends, family ... everything I’ve ever wanted. It had all been taken from me: my home, Sha’re, my future. Even my name.

This may be difficult to believe, but before that night with Teal’c, I’d never had a homosexual thought in my life. Maybe that’s denial all by itself. I’ll admit the word “gay” always scared me a little. When you’re the geeky kid in glasses who lives in a foster home, it’s the first insult the bullies reach for. Queer, faggot, fairy. I doubt I would have acted on such thoughts even if I’d had them. But I honestly don’t remember ever thinking that way about any man.

And this man, this serpent guard I hated, had made me beg him to fuck me.

It was the drug, I told myself. I knew that the hanam had some sort of mind-altering effect. It wasn’t narcotic so far as I could tell, and I had observed its effects on others as well as myself. It was an aphrodisiac, a powerful one. Did it also lower the inhibitions, like that date-rape drug that was big news when I left Earth? Perhaps it did. But even that would imply that the feelings were there all along, just buried deep inside.

Late at night over those three days, while Kyla slept beside me, I replayed that encounter and was honest enough to face myself. The truth. Drugs and emotional distress may have made me more vulnerable, but my feelings had been real. My need had been real.

Perhaps I was a born slave after all.

***

Early in the morning, after the third night, Kyla and I were wakened by one of the children. The boy brought the news that Apophis was returning, which meant our Master was returning. (_If he’s still alive_, I thought, but said nothing.)

The change in Kyla was dramatic. Normally slow to wake, she was up instantly. She had to prepare for him, she told me, suggesting I should sleep longer. That was when it struck me: she was really devoted to him. She wasn’t simply obedient, she _wanted_ to serve him.

A decision that had been hovering just out of my reach suddenly crystallised when I realised that. Something about what I wanted, too.

“Kyla, it’s your job to meet him when he gets here isn’t it?”

“That is correct. I am sure our Master will send for you.”

I didn’t want to be sent for. The last thing he had said to me was _Why do you fight so hard?_ I wanted to show him I would fight no longer. “I want to be there to meet him,” I told Kyla. “I want to...to please him. Will you help me?”

She looked at me for a long moment. I began to wonder if I’d offended her. Then she smiled. “Of course I will help you to please him. But there might not be much time. Hurry!”

Kyla’s idea of “not much time” was hours. We took breakfast in the bath, and helped each other to wash. I washed her hair for her, she helped me to shave. Not that I can’t shave myself, with or without a mirror, but my hands were shaking so badly that morning I’d have cut myself for sure. Kyla noticed and she offered, so there it was.

After the bath, Kyla took me into one of the massage rooms. She took a long time preparing me. I didn’t resent it, this time. I enjoyed her touch, revelled in the sensuality of it. She rubbed scented oils into my skin. She dressed me in jewellery: bands around my upper arms, the usual ring on my cock, a chain around my waist that held the filmy material that passed for clothing. She dusted my arms, chest and back with gold. She teased my nipples into tight peaks, then worked a thin gold ring over each, trapping them and making the nerves there almost painfully sensitive. There was a long chain linking the two rings - not heavy, but it hung down between them, brushing my chest every time I moved.

I stopped her when she wanted to paint my eyes with kohl. “I want to look like me,” I explained, and she put the kohl away.

I didn’t want a mirror. Even without her “finishing touch”, I knew I wouldn’t recognise myself. Doctor Daniel Jackson, archaeologist and academic had vanished. I felt transformed. I felt ... well, forgive the old-fashioned word, but I felt completely wanton.

After that, it was the least I could do to help Kyla prepare as she had helped me. But she had been correct: we didn’t have much time. When word came that our Master was on his way, Kyla didn’t feel she was ready.

“You must meet our Master alone,” she insisted. “I will join you later if I am needed.”

I was ready.

I’m not sure what I expected, exactly. I know what I was hoping for. I waited at the entrance for him. As I had been taught, I knelt as he opened the grille, keeping my eyes lowered. Nervous? I was nervous before, when Kyla was preparing me. When I saw him...well, let’s just say I’m glad I was already on my knees.

He said just one word: “Come.” Hurriedly, I led the way into the massage room. He sat down on the platform and I began to strip him of the serpent guard uniform.

The thought of what he must have been doing while wearing that costume made my skin crawl. The last time he had worn it had been the day I became his slave. The day he murdered Jack and the other prisoners.

How could I want this man? I did my job, my movements mechanical, automatic. As I stepped behind him to remove the collar, I saw scorch marks on the mail beneath. “You’re wounded!” I blurted without thinking.

“It is insignificant,” he told me.

I removed the collar and set it aside. I fumbled a bit with the laces on the mail, but after a while I got the hang of the knots. Then I discovered I had to remove his gloves and gauntlets before I could get him out of the mail shirt. Eventually, I got it right, leaving just the light undershirt in place. When I drew that away from his skin I saw him wince.

I took a closer look at that wound. I’m a doctor of archaeology, not medicine, but I know a third degree burn when I see one.

“Master, this is deep. It should be treated.” _This_ he called “insignificant”? On Earth I’d have rushed him to the nearest ER. The wound covered the left side of his back, widest at his shoulder, tapering down to the small of his back. A staff weapon? If so, he must have been hit more than once. “Will you allow me to help, Master?”

He nodded, the smallest gesture. “There is a salve in the blue jar,” he told me.

A burn, I remembered from my First Aid, should be treated as little as possible. Keep it cool with ice or water, keep it clean, let the skin breathe. Using salve didn’t seem like a good idea. I opened the jar he indicated and looked at the contents: a thick, yellowish ointment. I took a little on my fingertips. It felt cool for a moment, and it turned my skin numb quickly. Effective stuff. I decided not to second-guess him and I applied the salve to his wound. I tried to be gentle.

I had been prepared to offer him my body. I even wanted to. But he didn’t make a move. When I’d finished with his wound, I left the room for a second to get a robe for him. When I returned, he’d finished undressing without my help. I lifted the robe over his shoulders. He belted it and sat back down. He patted the platform beside him and I sat down where he wanted me. We were facing in opposite directions; perfectly facing each other.

“You did not have to do this,” he said.

“I know, Master.” Was I ever going to learn his name?

“What is your name?”

It was as if he read my thoughts. I hesitated, then answered, “I have no name, Master. You took it from me.” I intended that as mild sarcasm, but it came out bitterly.

He raised an eyebrow. “Reclaim it. Tell me your name.”

I shrugged. “Daniel. Doctor Daniel Jackson, if you want the full title.”

His hand rested lightly on my thigh. “Daniel,” he repeated. I can’t describe the thrill that went though me when he said my name.

“Can I get you anything, Master? Food? Drink?” _Me_, I added silently. God, what was wrong with me?

His hand slid fractionally higher. I was afraid to breathe. Then he removed it and stood. “I don’t have time. Later, perhaps.”

“Shall I ... should I come to you later?” Again, I felt lucky I wasn’t standing.

He said, “Tonight you are to serve my lord Apophis.”

I went cold suddenly. Perhaps it was his matter-of-fact tone, though I was learning that was normal for him. Perhaps it was hearing Apophis’ name. I felt the blood drain from my face and my body was a lead weight.

My Master didn’t seem to notice. He simply stood and left me there.

***

I can’t bring myself to describe what happened to me that night. Words come to mind: pain, torture, rape, abuse. But words won’t convey it. Imagine a man who enjoys inflicting pain, and who has taken thousands of years to refine his skill. Long before it was over, I was begging to be allowed to die.

Teal’c had treated me as a slave. As much as I hated that, a slave is exactly what I was to him. How else should he have treated me? Apophis and his companion ... oh, I left that part out. I wasn’t the evening’s entertainment. From what was said, I gathered I was some sort of demonstration aid: Apophis was teaching some other Goa’uld how it was done. And when they had finished playing with their toys, they remembered I was a harem slave and decided to use me that way as well. I wasn’t even a person to them: just a collection of orifices whose only purpose was to be used.

I had taken hanam earlier in the evening. But even that couldn’t make the experience easier. Perhaps that’s a blessing. Even under the influence of a drug, to enjoy being raped would have pushed me over the edge into madness. They ...

I’m not going to describe it. My hands are shaking now, just thinking about it.

The reason I’m writing all this down, though, is to help me deal with it. To help me straighten out these memories. So there is one thing I must write, something I haven’t dared to tell anyone. I have to write it down here...and pray to whatever genuine god might be out there that Jack never finds this journal.

I was blindfolded most of the time I was with Apophis. At the end, when they were bored with me, one of Apophis’ slaves untied me and removed the blindfold. There was to be no mercy: I had to leave that room under my own power or lie there until I died. I looked up at the dais where Apophis sat. He was on a throne, in all his godly glory. And there was another Goa’uld at his side. I ... If I could have died right then I would have died gladly.

I can’t name the Goa’uld, but I know the host. For the past year, I had called him my brother. His name was Skaara.

***

I did mange to walk out of the room. On the other side of the door, a serpent guard was waiting for me, I assumed he would take me back to the harem. I wanted nothing more than to take a long bath. Preferably to drown in it. But I wasn’t given that option.

In silence, the serpent guard led me to another part of the palace. When I could no longer walk, he held me upright and carried me with him. He brought me to a door and knocked on it. I was confused until the door opened and I saw my Master there.

For several moments, we just looked at each other. My glasses I had wisely left in the harem but I can see fairly well without them. I knew I was a mess. I was naked, but for the slave-collar and manacles. The bruises were just beginning to show. Blood and semen crusted my ass and thighs.

I decided I was back to hating him. I had been ready to give him what he had taken three days before. He repaid me by giving me to Apophis.

He nodded to the serpent guard who held me, and the guard left. My Master stood aside from the door, indicating I should enter. “There is a bath through here,” he said. A wave of his hand told me where.

It was pretty close to an order, so I followed his directions. His bath was easily big enough for two, filled with hot, scented water. He didn’t follow me in there. I wondered if that was sensitivity, but decided it wasn’t. He probably didn’t want me in that used-up state. Either way, I was grateful for the space.

I took a long, long time over that bath. The water was heated from below - I could have stayed there all night and not become cold. That would have seemed a little excessive, though. Eventually, I got out of there. I knew he would be waiting for me.

I didn’t know what I was going to say to him until I said it. The room (it was his bedroom, I learned later) was lit with a multitude of candles. There was an odd smell, some sort of incense, mingled with the smell of the wax. In the candlelight, the gold symbol on his forehead glowed.

I took a step toward him, somehow finding the strength to keep my head high. My voice was strong, which amazed me. “I suppose you plan to rape me, too? Forgive me for keeping you waiting, Master. How would you like me? On my knees or on my back?”

The first real emotion I’d ever seen crossed his face. For the briefest moment, he was as naked as I. It was only that that made me believe his next words.

“I ask you to believe me when I say I would have spared you that if I could. Apophis is my lord and my god. He asked for you by name. I could not refuse.”

I answered, coldly but truthfully, “I believe you.” Neither of us had moved. “You didn’t answer my question. Do you intend to rape me now?”

His impassive mask was back. He took a step toward me. “I have never taken anyone against their will.”

I couldn’t help it: I laughed. “I think you really believe that.”

A raised eyebrow and a tilt of his head invited me to elaborate.

“Do you have a name?” I asked him.

He said, “Teal’c.”

“Well, Teal’c. Since you brought me here, I’ve been kept high on hanam. The other night, you had me tied down so firmly I could barely even blink. Now, I’ll admit you knew all the right buttons to push, but do you really think that makes what happened _consensual_? Where I come from, that’s just a more refined form of rape. Frankly, I prefer what Apophis did to me. At least that was honest.”

Teal’c was silent.

I began to regret what I’d said. None of it was true. When I had met him that morning (a lifetime away) I had been ready, even eager for him. I wouldn’t willingly return to someone I really believed had raped me. How could I equate him with Apophis?

“Do you truly believe that?” he asked me.

I looked straight into his eyes. “Yes,” I lied. Then, “No. No, I spoke in   
anger.”

“Do you wish to return to Kyla’s bed?”

Something in the way he said that...did he assume I’d been having sex with her? I suppose it’s an obvious conclusion: we had been sharing a bed, and spending most of our days together.

He was close enough for me to touch him, now. I reached out and placed my hand flat on his chest. His skin felt warm through the soft wool of his robe. “There’s a part of me that wants to,” I confessed. “If only because I feel safe there. It’s familiar.” My insides clenched with fear, but I forced myself to finish what I was saying. “But...when I met you this morning, Master, it was because I wanted to. I still do.”

He covered my hand with his own, then lifted it to his lips. Then he gathered me up in his arms and carried me to his bed.

***

I lay on my back on silken sheets and looked up at him. Parts of my body still hurt from the assault I’d recently endured. I should have been afraid. I can’t explain why, but from the moment he touched my hand, I wasn’t even nervous. It’s as if I’m a completely different person when he touches me, and every other part of my life happens to someone else. I looked up at him and let him see that I trusted him.

He looked down at me with those dark eyes and I saw just a hint of the emotion he was holding back. “I will ask nothing of you that you’re not willing to give,” he told me. You must be truthful with me.”

“I will,” I breathed. I reached up and began to open his robe. His skin felt smooth as satin beneath my fingers.

He lifted my chin with one hand and brushed my lips with his thumb. “I want your mouth.”

At his touch, my breath caught in my throat. There was a warmth spreading through my body, centring in my groin. _I want_, he had said. So we were not to be lovers: he was the Master, I the slave. I could accept that. It seemed right.

“My mouth,” I repeated softly. “On your cock?”

“I didn’t say where,” he told me. He began to unbelt his robe and I took over the task. He wore nothing beneath.

I reached up to kiss his lips, just as he turned his head aside. I wasn’t sure the movement had been intentional, but I took the hint anyway, kissing his neck instead. I traced the line of his jaw with my lips, followed a vein down to his collarbone, and defined that hard ridge with several gentle bites. Perspiration pooled in the hollow of his throat. I tasted tentatively, found the clean, salty taste pleasant, and lapped there some more.

I heard him sigh; the first sign of encouragement I’d got from him. I couldn’t help comparing him with Sha’re. In the early weeks of our marriage she had been quite shy, but my Sha’re gained confidence quickly, transforming into a confident woman, sexually. Once she understood I wanted it, she had never held back from letting me know what felt good to her, what she wanted, or what she didn’t like. Teal’c was her opposite. Physically as well, I guess: his body was as aggressively male as she was womanly, hard where she was soft, masterful where she was compliant. But he never gave me a hint of what he wanted from me, beyond a simple, verbal order. I had to figure out the details for myself. What he enjoyed, what he needed was a mystery I had to unearth.

I loved it.

I kissed my way down his chest to the hollow at his sternum. I licked around the curves of his muscles, aware of his heart beating inches from my lips. For a few seconds, I laid my head on his chest so I could hear his heart. He sounded strong and vital. Alive.

Suddenly, I wanted more. I found his right nipple with my tongue and licked in circles. The skin there was so soft! Easily the softest part of his body, it hardened beneath my tongue. Fascinated by that phenomenon, I continued to lick and suck at his hardening flesh. His hand came up to rest on my head, holding me there. His fingers stroked gently through my hair, each touch sending pleasure-shocks through me. I responded by sucking harder. I reached across his body, seeking his other nipple with my fingers.

He caught my hand in his. “_Just_ your mouth,” he rumbled.

His fingers entwined with mine, I brought both of our hands to my mouth, abandoning his nipples in favour of this new experience. For a moment, I just looked. The candlelight accentuated the difference in our skintones. I don’t know why I found that so erotic, but I did. In daylight his skin looks black. To my eyes, in that moment, there were flecks of copper in his skin, giving it a depth I had never seen before. I kissed the back of his hand, then turned it over and kissed his palm. I licked his index finger and sucked it into my mouth. He closed his eyes. I took that as approval and repeated the action with his other fingers.

Still, I needed more. Returning to his chest I began to kiss my way down. I was fascinated by every inch of him. Even when he was relaxed, his muscles were hard as steel. I know it’s a cliché, but his stomach really was like a washboard, the muscles in firm ridges ... except for that big, X-shaped scar. I know this will sound unbelievable, but that night was the very first time I saw that X. I drew back, not exactly prepared for the discovery. I guess it was the first real intimation I had that Teal’c isn’t entirely human.

I knew it wasn’t the most appropriate moment, but I had to ask.

“I am a Jaffa,” was all he said.

He’d told me that before. To him, that was the entire explanation. It wasn’t enough for me. “What...what does that mean, exactly?” I asked him.

He slid his hands down to his abdomen, drawing the edges of the X apart slightly and revealing exactly what his scar contained.

I hope he didn’t see my revulsion, I really do. But knowing how easily he’s always read me...

“From childhood, a Jaffa carries an infant Goa’uld within,” he explained.

“So it’s some sort of parasite? Can’t you remove it?”

The merest shake of his head. “In exchange for carrying the infant Goa’uld, a Jaffa receives perfect health and long life. Without it, I would die.”

Several things became clear to me in that moment. Teal’c was more than a servant of Apophis: he and those like him were an intimate part of what the Goa’uld are. The relationship was symbiotic, not parasitic: each needed something the other provided. Most significant of all, Teal’c himself didn’t truly realise this. He still believed the Goa’uld were gods, even when he carried within his own body the evidence that they were not.

As revelations go, that one was blinding.

Teal’c’s hand on the back of my neck gently urged me back to my original task. I hesitated, wanting time to think about this. But Teal’c was insistent. If I’d refused, I believe he would have allowed me to leave. But I didn’t want to displease him, and I had my own needs as well. Pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind, I began to kiss him again.

***

I woke with a pair of strong arms surrounding me and a warm body pressed up against my back. Memories of the night before came to me slowly. Memories of the heat and taste of Teal’c’s seed when he came in my mouth...the gentleness of his hands on my flesh as he stroked me to orgasm...the taste of my own essence on his skin...I sighed and leaned back into his warmth.

Hot breath on my ear was followed by his lips, then his tongue, slowly exploring. His hand traced a path down my chest, over my abs. I could feel the hard, not length of his cock along the crack of my ass. He was thrusting very slightly, stimulating both of us but not trying to enter me. I pushed back, instinctively trying to get closer to him.

His hand closed over my cock. I’d only been half-aroused until then. The blood rushed into my groin at his touch, leaving me light-headed. I needed to feel him inside me. I knew it was too soon, that it would probably hurt. It didn’t matter. I needed him.

“Master,” I whispered, and I knew he understood. He lifted his leg over mine, changing the angle of his cock against my ass. Carefully, he began to push into me. There was pain, but not nearly as much as I’d expected.

“Breathe,” he whispered in my ear. “It will be easier.”

I took his advice, breathing deeply and consciously relaxing. Oh, yes, that was it! He slid inside easily and it felt like...like heaven. His words, _Your body was made for this_, came back to me. In that moment, I believed him.

To be filled by him was - and is - the most terrifying and wonderful experience. The position we were in didn’t allow him to thrust hard. He could have simply moved me into a more accessible position. Instead, he made the most of where we lay, rocking inside me, his cock massaging the pleasure spot within me as his hand massaged my cock.

The sensations rapidly became too much. I felt his lips, then his teeth against my neck in the instant before I came. His fingers squeezed the base of my cock as I spasmed...it didn’t stop my orgasm, but held me right on the edge for an impossibly long time. I swear the tension would have killed me if it had lasted any longer. I heard him say something against my skin as he climaxed inside me, but I was too far gone myself to register the word.

He held me close for a long time after we both came. When he finally moved, he rolled onto his back and reached down, pulling me up his chest until we lay face to face. Then he threaded his fingers through my hair, pulled my head to his, and kissed me.

It’s remarkable to think that was our first ever kiss. Teal’c had fucked me twice, made love with me in other ways, too, yet he had never kissed me, mouth to mouth.

His tongue parted my lips. I opened to him willingly and his tongue slid into my mouth. I let my tongue entwine with his. For a few moments we engaged in a battle for dominance. Then suddenly he rolled us both over, trapping me beneath his body and taking possession of my mouth thoroughly. He had won.

“My Daniel,” he said huskily as our lips parted.

“My Master,” I agreed. For some reason, it was then I remembered Teal’c had been wounded. I wriggled out from beneath him, sitting up quickly. “Master, your wound. May I?”

“If you wish.” He lay flat on the sheets and I took a close look at his wound. The change was amazing. The skin still looked tender, and somewhat paler than normal, but the third-degree burns I had treated the day before were gone. Just gone.

“That’s...incredible.” Tentatively, I ran my fingers over the damaged skin. “What’s in that salve?” I asked eagerly. The potential benefits of something that could heal this quickly...

He rolled over, looking up at me. “The salve merely numbs pain. My symbiot is responsible for my healing.”

His Goa’uld did that? It was tough to take in. From what I had seen, in a few days he wouldn’t even carry a scar. On Earth, such a wound would have taken months of skin grafts to heal.

He began to get up suddenly. “You must return to the harem. Kyla will treat your wounds.”

A timely reminder of my status. I bowed my head in agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

It was only after Teal’c left me that I realised how badly I was hurting. Alone in the harem, I almost collapsed from the exhaustion. Kyla helped into one of the baths, where we had some privacy. She examined me as thoroughly as any doctor. While every muscle in my body was aching, most of my wounds were superficial. Goa’uld devices are designed to cause pain with minimal physical damage.

Kyla gave me a salve for the worst of it and helped me to clean myself up. I spent the rest of the day in bed. I slept for a few hours, then lay awake, staring at the drapes. Kyla brought me food and drink, but I ate only a little. I didn’t touch the hanam. The thought of it turned my stomach. Given the choice, I would never take it again.

But that was my problem, wasn’t it? I didn’t _have_ a choice.

That night, Teal’c returned. I’d been thinking about what had passed between us. I wasn’t naïve enough to think it was love, but I hoped it was at least the beginning of respect. The way I’d spoken to him...I suspected he’d never had a slave talk back to him like that. And the way we had made love...I had never known anything quite like it.

I hadn’t taken hanam for over a day. Physically, I felt no different, but mentally, my thoughts were clearer, my mind sharper than it had been for days. Acutely aware of my status here, I knelt and offered to serve him, exactly as Kyla had taught me.

He bent down and took my hands, bringing me to my feet. “Come.”

Teal’c led me from the harem back to his bedchamber. It was a route that would become very familiar to me over the next two weeks. He had barely even closed the door before he was kissing me. He thrust his tongue into my mouth, stealing my breath. His body was hard against mine and I was instantly aroused.

“I have been thinking of you all day,” he told me.

I hadn’t been sure how much of the passion I felt for him was drug-created. Judging from the way my body was reacting to him now...oh, I wanted him! I hadn’t felt so eager since...since the beginning of my marriage.

That thought brought me up short and I had to turn away from him.

“Daniel,” he said. Not a question, or a protest. Just my name.

I turned back. “I’m sorry, Master. How can I serve you?”

“Come.” He led me to his bed and we lay down together. But instead of asking me for sex, he said, “Who are you, my Daniel? Tell me about yourself.”

_Who am I?_ A week before I could have answered that easily. Now I no longer knew. I felt I owed him some sort of an answer, though, so I tried to tell him about the man I had been. It got easier when I started talking about my work. I don’t know how much he understood: we didn’t really have a common frame of reference. And I didn’t mention Earth’s Stargate Project, nor did I talk about Sha’re, other than to say I was married.

He listened, occasionally asking questions. I think we talked for hours. Then the weirdest thought occurred to me.

“You know, since I’ve been here, I haven’t seen the night sky. I wish I could. I miss that.”

He just looked at me, his head slightly tilted. I got the impression he was laughing at me. “You can,” he said. He stood and beckoned to me to follow. He led me into another chamber and pulled back a heavy drape. It led out onto a balcony. I stepped out and gasped at the sight.

The balcony overlooked a huge plaza. From where we stood I saw a double row of marble pillars, ghostly in the light of two moons. But it wasn’t that that stole my breath. At the far end of the plaza, illuminated from all sides, stood the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen: a Stargate.

I was so taken with that sight that for a moment I forgot to look up. When I did, I saw again _two_ moons, one a shining crescent, the other almost full. Their combined light dimmed the stars beyond, but as I focussed on the stars I could make out the shapes of the constellations. None of them was immediately familiar.

On Abydos, I had been able to study the symbols on my Stargate, and chart many of them in the night sky. As I gazed up at this planet’s stars, I tried to think in those terms. Yes...perhaps some of it was familiar.

For the first time since I’d been brought to this place, I felt like myself again. It would probably take me months, maybe even years, but I knew now that there was hope of escape. I had my knowledge. I had a Stargate. I needed time...and a lot of luck. Perhaps I would be able to find Sha’re - she must be on this planet somewhere.

Yes, I had hope.

Teal’c put his arms around me from behind. He said nothing, merely held me. I returned my focus to the Stargate. It was the source of Apophis’ power; it would be naïve to think it was unguarded. I sighed. I would need to work on a plan. In the meantime...captivity had its compensations.

I turned within the circle of his arms and waited for his kiss.

***

Over the next two weeks, my life settled into a comfortable pattern. My days were spent in the harem, my nights with Teal’c.

Kyla suggested I should ask Vorshan for a sleeping place of my own; more for the sake of appearance than because she disliked my company. When she explained her thinking, I agreed to do it, and while I was there, I decided to ask for one other thing, too. I wanted to be able to drink something other than hanam. It was the only drink available in the harem.

To my amazement, Vorshan agreed readily to my request. He told me Teal’c had left orders that certain requests I might make were to be granted! I did ask, but Vorshan refused to elaborate. Clearly, I would have to figure things out for myself.

This, then, was what Teal’c had meant when he told me I had choices. If I asked the right questions, made the right requests, I might even be able to make my life here bearable. I had told him that I preferred my passion to be my own, not a hanam-high. At the time I said that, Teal’c had made no comment. Yet he had done this, without telling me. I had to ask to get the benefit.

That night, when I thanked him, my Master asked me if there was anything else that would make my life easier. I thought about it for about two seconds before I answered.

“There is one thing...if it’s not forbidden. Could I have writing materials? Paper, ink?”

We were in his bath at the time; I was sitting across his lap, up to my shoulders in hot water. Teal’c looked up at me and smiled suddenly. It was the first time I had ever seen him smile.

“Of all the things you could have asked for...” he began.

“I told you, Master. In my world, I was a scholar.” I shrugged, hoping he wouldn’t see through my request. “I miss that.”

“Writing materials,” he repeated, then nodded. “I will see to it for you.”

I leaned forward to kiss him, then I took a deep breath and ducked under the water. I was going to thank him the best way I knew.

Even so, Teal’c confused me. He was a complex man. Sometimes he could be so sweet to me...and when we made love sometimes he was completely considerate, as if we were truly lovers, not master and slave. Yet he was unpredictable. On another night he became angry when I wasn’t as responsive as he wished, and he actually spanked me! Sometimes he took me roughly, with little or no thought for my pleasure, only his own. He had promised me he would never take me against my will, but I never quite dared to test that promise.

I still wore a slave-collar and manacles. I still knelt when he required it and served him in whatever way he asked. Yet when we talked, after sex, he treated me more and more like an equal. He spoke to me about his home planet, and about his family. I learned the names of people who were important to him, men and women who had shaped him. He asked me about my world, and my past. One night I somehow ended up offering him a potted history of America. When I started talking about our Civil War, I finally realised I had an opportunity of sorts, and I began to talk about things like human rights, and basic freedoms.

He thought I was making that part up.

With Teal’c’s gift of paper and ink, I was able to fill my days with something other than sheer boredom. My Master might think my body was made for his pleasure, but the pampered luxury of the harem didn’t suit me at all. I’d rather be up to my neck in dust, working my fingers to the bone on some remote dig, or buried in books, burning the midnight oil on some obscure detail of history. But it was my future, not the past, that concerned me during those days, and I spent my energies trying to figure out where I was.

Before I became involved with the Stargate Project on Earth, I’d had only a passing interest in astronomy. On Abydos I spent a long time charting the stars. In the harem, my first task was to figure out where I was. I could tell from the visible constellations that this planet was nowhere near Earth or Abydos.

I knew that what I was doing was risky. I wrote in English, hoping no one else would be able to translate or understand that language, and I disguised my diagrams as much as I could. My progress was painfully slow. There were times I would have given _anything_ for just an hour with Captain Carter or the facilities of the SGC. But I _was_ making progress. I needed to figure out where I was, then I needed to figure out where I could go. Earth wasn’t a possibility. The Abydos Gate, too had been buried ... but if I could work out the timing I _would_ be able to return there. One year from the day I left. The only other address I knew was the planet where I had been captured. Something told me that wouldn’t be my wisest escape route.

***

After two weeks, everything changed.

The first thing that happened was Teal’c was summoned back to his home planet. He would be gone, or so he told me, for about a month. The night before he was due to leave, neither of us slept. We spent the night alternately talking and making love. In the morning I told him I would miss him and wished him a safe journey. I wasn’t lying when I said I would miss him, but I wasn’t particularly bothered by his leaving. I thought I could fill my time with other things.

Until, several days after Teal’c left, I was summoned by Apophis again.

The memory of the last time was still strong enough that if I had been given the opportunity, I would have refused his summons and taken whatever consequences came. I wasn’t given that chance. The serpent guard who came for me expected me to go with him right away. No choice was offered: I was a slave. He must have had some idea that I might try to run, because he chained me before we left the harem and he was _really_ careful not to let go. Afraid as I was, I knew I had nowhere to run to. I would never willingly submit to slavery, but I had enough sense to see that I had no choice in the matter. I went with the serpent guard without resistance, and did as I was told.

Once again, I was the evening’s entertainment. Though this time, I didn’t realise it at first. At first, I couldn’t figure out why I was there at all. Apophis’ slaves had spent hours preparing me: I had been bathed and given something - not hanam, but something stronger - to drink. I was dressed: if you can call what I was wearing “dressed”, and my skin painted with something like henna. I didn’t exactly co-operate, but I didn’t fight them, either. Those women were slaves, just as I was: my resistance would have earned them punishment.

Finally I was led into a large chamber. The ceiling was high and vaulted, supported by a number of pillars. There was a kind of pit in the centre of the chamber: the closest I can describe it is like a Roman amphitheatre, but far smaller. On one side of the chamber was a raised dais with two highly ornate thrones. I was left between two pillars on the opposite side of the chamber, chained in a standing position that left me almost no freedom of movement. The serpent guard who brought me there checked the chains, then cut away what little clothing I wore, leaving me naked but for the marks of my slavery. He took a cup from a slave and made me drink, again. I was expecting something else to happen, but after that I was left alone.

Apophis was there, sitting on his throne, and two other Goa’uld I didn’t recognise. They looked at me from time to time, but none of them seemed interested in me. They were all watching something else: an erotic tableau not unlike the one I had witnessed with Teal’c. Three slaves, two men, one woman, apparently lost in their own passion, yet just as obviously performing for their masters. I watched it, too: I had no other choice. The drink I had been given clouded my mind. I knew I shouldn’t be aroused by the sight, but I’d somehow lost track of the reason. Watching the slow slide of flesh on flesh, the clench and release of muscles, the sounds and smells of pleasure...I was straining toward them, very aroused.

Then I felt something touch my ass. I tried to turn around, but the chains held me securely: I could see nothing of what was behind me. My flesh crawled: the touch, though warm, wasn’t that of skin but the smooth metal of a ribbon device. The touch moved up my back. I could feel the heat of someone’s body behind me. Unable to see behind, I looked to the front again...and saw Apophis watching me intently. The eagerness in that monster’s expression was terrifying.

Metal-sheathed fingers slid around my chest to tease my nipples, and I felt the lightest of touches on my back: the Goa’uld’s clothing, I think. The touch moved lower, over my stomach. I was fighting not to show my arousal, but it was a losing battle. I couldn’t control my cock, or hide it. I closed my eyes, knowing I was enjoying this too much but unable to fight it any longer. There was an odd kind of heat in the hand touching me. In the fingers that tugged gently at the hair between my legs. It was too much.

I came.

I was given maybe ten seconds to recover. Then the hand that had teased me to climax closed around my wilting cock and twisted cruelly.

Pain flared red-black behind my eyes and I screamed. Any man would. It was a long time, I think, before the pain receded enough for me to risk opening my eyes.

And when I did, the first thing I saw was my Sha’re’s face.

Without thinking, I whispered her name.

At once, her eyes hardened. “Did you enjoy that, _slave_?” she demanded, and her voice wasn’t Sha’re’s at all.

I could only stare at her, unable to speak. I didn’t understand what was going on. I had longed to see her for so long...my wife, my love.

She grasped my face painfully, her eyes glowing brightly. “_Answer_ me!”

“Sha’re...please...”

Abruptly she released me and turned away. I heard her speak, her voice deep and scathing. “_This_ you thought would amuse me?” She was crossing the room as she spoke.

Apophis rose to greet her. I had to watch as he took my wife’s body into his arms, as she returned his kiss with enthusiasm. I had to watch his hands on her body; I couldn’t look away.

Apophis said, “I found the slave diverting. If it does not please you, my love...”

She cut his words off by touching his face: a lover’s caress. She said “It could be diverting...” There was more I didn’t hear and her glowing eyes met mine with a look I can’t describe.

Apophis signalled to one of the guards. My hands were released from the chains. I had been standing in the same position a long time, and I was released so quickly I fell. My ankles were still secured, which made it harder to get up. I tried, but found the serpent guard holding me down.

I heard Apophis give another order and my world exploded into pain.

***

There was a hand in my hair, slowly untangling the knots. A tender touch, like a lover. I was fuzzily aware that there was no more pain. I risked opening my eyes and once again found myself looking into Sha’re’s face.

“Husband,” she said softly.

“Sha’re?” I said, desperately wanting this to be real.

“It is I, my Daniel,” she said. Then she was kissing me and it _was_ real. My own, beautiful Sha’re. I didn’t stop to question, or to wonder. I felt her tongue dart between my lips in a gesture I had always loved and I couldn’t help but kiss her back. _Oh, my love. I thought I’d lost you forever._

Her hand stroked down my side and I realised I was naked. And aroused. But why shouldn’t I want her? This was my wife, my Sha’re. I reached up to touch her, filling my hand with her soft breast, teasing her through the silk of her gown. And suddenly I was inside her, beneath her. She moved above me, in control, and the pleasure was enough to make me weep. I felt her flesh pulse around my cock and I came with her, sobbing in her arms.

Sha’re wiped the tears from my cheeks and I looked into her beautiful eyes, waiting for her to tease me for crying.

“You are wasted on the Jaffa,” she said. Her voice, now overlaid with the resonant tones of the Goa’uld, was like a knife in my heart. Her fingers stroked my cheek again. “I think you would make an excellent host.

I was still inside her. How could this be happening?

She struck me, her nails raking across my face. That was new: my Sha’re’s hands were rough from labour, her nails usually broken.

“Sha’re, please...” There had to be some explanation, I was thinking, desperately.

She raised her hand above my eyes and I saw something glowing in her palm. Then nothing.

***

I woke. I tried to move, and couldn’t. I was tied face down to a frame, a lot like the one Teal’c had used the first time he took me. I tried to look up.

Sha’re - or whatever this demon in my wife’s shape was - was there again. She moved the frame, swinging my body upright, forcing me to look at her.

“You will tell me the things you know,” she stated.

I couldn’t have spoken if I’d wanted to.

“Tell me of your Earth...husband.”

I suppose I’ll never know if she truly wanted information, or just an excuse to torture me. But the question she asked brought my mind back into focus, shaking off the effects of the drugs with the efficiency of a cold shower. I could focus on one fact: I must _not_ tell her anything. Whatever the cost.

“I will tell you _nothing_,” I said firmly.

She signalled, and two serpent guards appeared at the edges of my vision.

“He is yours,” she said. “I want pain. I want blood.”

_Rape_ doesn’t describe what happened then. Oh, yes, they fucked me. But they did more, much more than that. It went on for a long time. And, through it all, she watched. She enjoyed what she saw.

By the time I lost consciousness, I was praying I would never wake again.

***

Prayers that were not answered, obviously. I think it went on for days. Sometimes she asked me questions: about Earth, our technology, our Stargate. I don’t remember telling her anything, but I’m sure I must have. When she was bored with rape, she tried more crude methods. My ribs and hands and arms were broken more times than I can count. When the pain became too much and I passed out, she had a device she used to heal me. Then it all began again.

When from time to time I was left alone, I could not even weep. My Sha’re was gone. I could not doubt that now. Kyla had tried to tell me, nothing of the host survives. I believed her now.

My beloved Sha’re was good and kind and loving. I am sure, if any part of her had survived, Amonet could not have hurt me so badly. Cruelty was alien to my Sha’re.

I was never left alone for long. And I was never unstrapped from that frame, which was a torture all by itself. Even when they weren’t trying to hurt me, my muscles cramped and I was powerless to ease my own pain.

When I was ready to despair, it ended. The guards released me from the frame. I was too weak to stand...too weak to do anything, really. What option did I have but to submit? They dragged me from that room into another, where two slave women were waiting. Their attentions, unwelcome as the implications were, came as an indescribable relief. They cleaned me up, treated my visible wounds, helped me to regain some of my strength. When they were finished, I still felt a lot of pain, but at least I could stand, and walk.

I was taken before Apophis.

Maybe I had lost my mind. I don’t know, but it seems a possible explanation. I looked at him and suddenly I wasn’t afraid any more. I remembered the sight of him with Sh... with Amonet. I felt a surge of hatred stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. If emotion could kill, Apophis would have been dead in that moment past the power of any sarcophagus.

Maybe it was just that I had nothing left to lose. Nothing but this hate.

I didn’t know what he wanted, but I didn’t much care. I just stared up at him, hating him.

I heard, “Kneel before your god!” - one of his Jaffa, I think. Something struck me in the back of my knees, forcing me to the ground. But it wasn’t submission.

I defied him. “You are not a god,” I announced, as clearly as I could. I’ve had a lot of practice at public speaking: when I want my voice to carry, it does. “You’re powerful, but you’re no god,” I repeated. He leaned forward slightly, his eyes glowing.

Maybe I wanted to die. It was suicidal, and I knew that. I saw Apophis begin to stand.

I said, “You are a parasite in a stolen body and your so-called magic is a lie.”

Someone grasped my hair and forced my head back. I laughed in his face. “What are you going to do? Kill me? You’ll be doing me a favour.”

Apophis was standing over me. “I will do you no favours, slave,” he said. He raised his hand and the world filled with light again.

***

I woke in darkness. For about three seconds, I was incredibly relieved. I hadn’t expected to wake up at all. Then I began to wonder where I was.

It was completely dark; so dark I had to touch my eyes to prove to myself they were open. When I did, I was sure I was blind.

There’s a game I used to play as a boy: if you had to give up one of your five senses, which one would it be? As boys, we’d joke that losing hearing would be good, because you wouldn’t hear your parents calling, or telling you not to do something. But the game, for me, at least, asked the wrong question. Late at night, I would ask myself the real question: which of the senses could I not bear to lose? It was never a tough one. I could live without taste, or smell. I would hate to be without touch, or hearing, but I believed I would be able to live with it. But to live without sight? Never be able to read, or write again? That is - and always was - my worst nightmare.

I had awakened from what I thought was death, and found myself in my own, personal Room 101.

I called out for help. My voice sounded kind of hollow: the way it does in a big room, like an empty lecture hall. No one answered me. I was in a lot of pain, but it was a dull pain, aching muscles and the like. Which I supposed was only to be expected after the marathon rape session I remembered.

There was something around my neck. Having become used to wearing a collar, I hadn’t noticed it at first. By touch I examined it...metal, rough beneath my fingers. Not my usual collar. I felt all the way around it and discovered a chain, about three feet long, leading to the wall. I tried tugging on it: I didn’t have my full strength, but it seemed very secure. It wasn’t even long enough for me to stand. That collar and chain was the _only_ thing I was wearing. Even the manacles I usually wore at my wrists were gone.

I was left there, alone in the dark, for a long time. There’s no way I can even guess how long. Long enough to make me hungry, and very, very thirsty. The air in that place was horribly dry. I wondered if I was going to be left there to die. I was truly scared.

Cold awakened me. Freezing water thrown over my naked body. The cold stabbed into my flesh like knives. I remember thinking that it was a horrible waste of water.

I looked up into blinding light. Silhouetted against that light was the figure of a man.

“Slave,” I heard him growl. “On your knees.”

I struggled to obey. I was stiff from cold and from lying in the same position for so long. I did manage to get to my knees, though doing so stretched the chain to its limit. As my eyes adjusted to the light. I could see him more clearly. He was a big man, heavily muscled, like Teal’c, but not in the least attractive. He was naked to the waist and he carried a heavy whip in his hands.

As he came closer, I caught a whiff of leather and sweat. He grasped my hair, painfully tilting my head back. “A slave who needs to learn his place,” he hissed. His mouth was inches from my own and his breath was foul.

He reached behind me and released the chain from the wall. I hadn’t been able to do that but the chain fell easily into his hand. He ordered me to my feet and dragged me out of the cell. The light hit my eyes anew. It was painfully bright to me - I had been trapped in the dark for too long. I tried to cover my eyes and he threw me to the ground.

I had no chance to fight him. I ended up bent over some kind of block. While I was trying to catch my breath, I felt cold metal close around my wrists and ankles. I thought I knew what was to happen, then. A flash of totally inappropriate humour that was probably hysteria left me wondering why these people couldn’t come up with something more original than rape. The position I was in - kneeling over a solid block, chained down - left me totally vulnerable. _Learn my place?_ It seemed I was about to.

It was almost a relief when he laid the whip across my back.

_Almost_, I said. This wasn’t the beating I got from Teal’c. He had _hurt_ me, but he hadn’t tried to harm me. This whip cut into my skin with every stroke. I remember trying to scream, but my parched throat couldn’t do it. The gaoler was very good at what he did. The whip never fell in the same place twice. Alongside the pain, I could feel my blood flowing in warm, ticklish trails over my bare skin. I couldn’t scream, but I know I wept.

When it was over, all I wanted was to die. My body was a mass of pain...it was becoming a familiar feeling. It was then I felt his hands on my ass.

So I was not to be spared after all.

“No. No more.” I tried to speak the words aloud but I can’t say whether he heard. It had no effect, anyway. There was nowhere for me to go, no hope of escape as he raped me. All I could do was endure it.

When he was done, he dragged me back into the cell and refastened the chain to the wall.

Once again, I was alone in the dark.

Was I there four days? What I have just described happened four times. I was left alone long enough for my back to begin healing. Then the gaoler’s whip reopened each stripe with meticulous accuracy. I was given no food. Twice, the gaoler gave me water: a cup the size of a wine glass. Not enough.

I figured I was dying in that cell. By the time the gaoler dragged me out of there the fourth time, I didn’t have the strength to walk. I endured the whip, again. I don’t know how much blood I might have lost.

...There I go again. Intellectual speculations. This...isn’t easy to remember. I can still feel the lash on my back, still taste my own blood in my mouth. I can still smell the gaoler: stale sweat and leather and sex. It’s not about coming close to dying. I didn’t care by then. I had already lost everything I cared about...my home, my wife. If my life had mattered to me, I night have found the strength to fight him. But the last of my defiance had been spent on Apophis.

I don’t like to think about what I might have done if the gaoler had offered me an end to the pain. I might have done anything. Said anything.

I don’t clearly recall what happened that fourth time. I remember the pain of the whip. I remember him standing over me, preparing to take me again. That’s all. Maybe I blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5

Strong arms cradled my body with infinite gentleness. I felt a hand stroking my cheek. I thought I must be dreaming, so I kept my eyes closed. I wasn’t in pain any more, so it _couldn’t_ be anything other than a dream.

Then I heard my name: “Daniel.”

It was Teal’c’s voice, softer than I’d ever heard from him. Fearfully, I forced my eyes open.

To be met by Teal’c’s black eyes, which were filled with more concern than I had ever seen. He’s not a man who shows his emotions, but in that moment he was an open book. “Daniel,” he said again.

We were in his bedroom. The smells were familiar: burning wax and incense. Crazy as it sounds, being there felt like being home.

“You will recover,” he told me.

“Is that...an order...Master?” I asked him. My voice was barely there. “Water?” I croaked.

“I have only wine,” he apologised. He held the cup to my lips with his own hands. I drank. The wine was bitter; better for me at that time than plain water would have been. It helped. It helped a lot. A few minutes later I was able to sit up.

Teal’c wrapped a light blanket around my shoulders. “How do you feel?” he asked me.

From anyone else, that would have been a ridiculous question after what I’d been through. Teal’c was just asking for information. I tried to smile. I’m not sure if I succeeded. “How do I feel? I feel...broken.” I looked up at him: his face was as impassive as always. “You...saved me?”

He nodded gravely. “The gaoler is dead.”

Part of me believes I should have been happy to hear that. I couldn’t feel anything at all. “Teal’c...won’t you get into trouble for that?”

“He is nothing. Apophis ordered that you be punished, not that you be killed. It was my right to protect my property.”

“Property,” I repeated. “Of course.” I wasn’t bitter about that any longer. Nevertheless, I wondered if I could ever be more than that to him.

His eyes softened. “My Daniel, don’t you know you are no longer a slave in my eyes?” He leaned close and kissed me softly on my lips. It was a gentle kiss, not the demanding passion I had come to expect from him.

I felt tears sting behind my eyelids as he kissed me. I couldn’t have stopped them if I’d tried. I had been pushed so very far beyond my limit of endurance since the last time I’d seen him. This...kindness...was too much. I think he understood that. He held me as I cried silently, and I found that, finally, I was crying for everything: for Sha’re and Skaara, for the home I had lost forever, for Jack and Sam, for my lost career and the end of Earth’s Stargate. For my own injuries, too, but they were only a part of it. It was a long time before I could stop crying. And Teal’c...he was a rock, a tower of strength that couldn’t break and wouldn’t fall. Just to experience that acceptance was enough.

He brushed the tears from my cheeks when I eventually raised my head. I felt completely drained.

“My Daniel, there is something I must ask you.”

I whispered, “I don’t think I have any secrets left.”

“What is she to you?”

Remarkably, I hadn’t a clue who he meant. “She? Do you mean Kyla? We’re friends, but...”

“I mean Amonet.”

“Amonet.” Just hearing her name on my own lips brought it all back. My throat tightened and it was a moment before I could go on. Bitterly, I said, “Other than she’s an evil bitch-queen from hell, she means _nothing_ to me!” Teal’c’s look was compassionate and I was able to add, “But her...her host...s-she was my wife, Sha’re. She is...was...the reason I’m here.”

“I see.” Teal’c was silent for a long time, watching me. I began to feel uncomfortable under his steady gaze.

“Master?”

“Your life is in danger, my Daniel. You should leave this place.”

It floored me. For about three seconds, I tried to figure out whether he had really said the words I thought I’d heard. Leave this place? Just like that?

I asked, “What is the penalty on this planet for a slave who tries to escape?”

“Death. But, my Daniel, if you remain here, she _will_ kill you.”

I knew that without his telling. How could I forget? I had seen the desire to kill in eyes that once gazed at me with love. Heard her beloved voice call for pain, and blood. I remembered my first words to Apophis: _How much would I remember if you chose me? Something of the host must survive._ I had my answer now. Nothing. Nothing of the host could survive and a demon owned the body of what had once been my love.

On a rising tide of despair, I asked him, “How can I leave here?”

“You know how the Chappa-ai works, do you not?”

I nodded. “I know how it works, yes. But it takes more than that, Master. I have nowhere to go.”

“You do not know the symbols for your home planet?” He raised a sceptical eyebrow.

“Of course I do! But I can’t _go_ there.” I knew I wasn’t making sense.

“I do not understand,” Teal’c confessed.

I took a deep breath and tried to explain. “We followed you to the planet where you captured us because we wanted to rescue Sha’re and Skaara. But if our mission failed, if we didn’t come back, the Stargate on Earth - my planet - was going to be buried. Permanently.”

“This planet?” Teal’c traced the point of origin symbol for Earth on the ground between us.

“Yes.”

“It is not buried.”

I felt an impossible surge of adrenaline. “What?”

“The Stargate on this world is not buried.” He said it as if it should be obvious.

Breathlessly, I began, “How do you...?” then came up with the obvious answer. “Apophis has been trying to reach my world?”

Teal’c nodded slowly. “Those he has sent have not returned.”

I could have guessed that. “They have...” I caught myself in time. _Way to go, Daniel. He’s an **enemy** of Earth, remember?_ “...defences,” I finished, lamely. Could the Stargate project have continued? Without Jack and Sam? Even after the disastrous rescue mission? General Hammond had been adamant that the iris would be permanently sealed if we didn’t make the deadline. “So you see, Teal’c, I can’t go home for the same reason the ones Apophis sent couldn’t go there. I would die.”

“And you know of no other worlds?”

I shook my head. The brief moment of hope tasted like ashes. “Only Abydos - but they buried their gate after I left. And the planet where you found me. There’s no escape for me, _master_.”

***

_The scarlet figures on the bomb are counting down, counting the remaining seconds of my life. Five...four..._

_A boy with glowing eyes snatches the pendant from my chest. “There can be only one Ra!”_

_Sam’s voice, echoing in the Abydos chamber: “All the co-ordinates have changed.”_

_Teal’c, moving above me, inside me. “My Daniel...”_

_“Kneel before your god!” Apophis hisses. His raised hand and his eyes begin to glow._

_The countdown again ... Four...three..._

_Jack’s voice, reassuring and confident: “We’ll find them, Daniel.”_

_Teal’c: “Come, my Daniel.”_

_I fall to my knees, helpless in the grip of Apophis’ power._

_Three...two..._

_Jack’s voice, the last words I ever heard from him: “Help me!”...and the sound of a staff weapon firing._

_“Your choices,” Teal’c insists, “will become clear in time.”_

_Two...one..._

_And there is only darkness, like the cell where I was held. Into the darkness comes a voice. “You really screwed up this time, didn’t you.” It is Jack’s voice, heavy with sarcasm. “I should have known you couldn’t cut it.”_

_I protest, “I’ve done the best I can!”_

_“Pathetic. Look at you. Playing at being the Jaffa’s love-toy when you could be making a difference.”_

_“How?” I beg him. “What can I do?”_

_“Why ask me? I thought a geek like you would have all the answers.” Though I can’t see him, I know he is turning his back on me._

_I call after him desperately. “Jack! **Jack!!**”_

***

And I woke in Teal’c’s arms, still calling out Jack’s name.

Teal’c calmed me down, holding me, rocking me like a child until the panic faded and I could think clearly again. We had been sleeping together, but sleep was all we had done. We hadn’t made love; Teal’c had not even suggested it.

Early that morning, Teal’c walked with me as I returned to the harem. According to Teal’c I would be safest there. He told me he would not summon me to his rooms again, but visit me here. I know he was trying to protect me, but all that did was underline, again, that I was a prisoner.

At the entrance to the harem we kissed. Teal’c’s kiss was tender rather than passionate, yet I could sense his arousal. I guess I must have tensed up, because he drew back. He met my eyes, then left without speaking.

I watched him go, and watched the grille close behind him. He had said I was no longer a slave to him, but I certainly was to everyone else. I was still here, locked in, with nothing to do but await my master’s pleasure. I turned resentfully away from the grille and walked slowly to the sleeping place I had once shared with Kyla. I had forgotten I had a place of my own now. Kyla wasn’t there. I curled up on the bed and finally managed some uninterrupted sleep.

I must have slept most of the day. When I woke, Kyla was waiting. She had just been sitting some distance away, watching me. When she saw I was awake she came over and kissed me. “Daniel,” she said warmly. “I thought you were dead.”

“I wished I was,” I told her, pulling gently away from her touch.

“You are still in pain?”

I nodded.

“What can I do?”

“Nothing.”

“Daniel, let me help. I could take you to the baths?”

I shuddered away from that: I didn’t think any amount of water would make me feel clean. Some of my feeling must have shown in my face, because Kyla moved away then.

“Then sleep, Daniel. I will be in the baths should you need anything.”

After she left, I lay down again. But I was no longer sleepy. My back was starting to hurt again: the pain-numbing salve wearing off. If I’d thought of it, I would have asked Kyla for more. Eventually, I got up, and searched around for something I could wear. I had become used to near-nakedness, but that was before...before Amonet. I settled for tying a cloth around my waist like a kilt. I could live with not having a shirt: material would only chafe my back anyway.

During my search, I spotted the box that contained my writing materials. Kyla must have brought it here from my sleeping place. I wondered why, if she had truly thought me dead. It was a plain, polished metal box with a simple silver clasp: no lock. I opened it, leafing quickly through the papers to be sure everything was still there.

Something I’d written caught my eye:

_If I could just get a close look at this Stargate, I’m sure I can figure it out. The glyphs on the Gates of Earth and Abydos were identical, except for the point of origin symbol. I spent so long studying the Abydos Gate I memorised it. If I’m lucky, this one will be the same: the only unique symbol will be the point of origin. Then all I need is somewhere to go. It doesn’t matter where - anywhere with a Stargate and preferably with no Goa’uld will give me a breathing space. All I need is an address._

I turned the pages, at random, and my eye fell on another passage.

_...yet, when I take a closer look at the carvings here, they seem almost Moorish. The society of these people seems derived from the Egyptian (or am I assuming too much because of Ra?) but the culture is a fascinating mix. I could observe for years and only scratch the surface. They call this place Khert-Neter: I’m not sure if this refers to the planet or just this part of it, but the name fits the myths I know. Yet many other things don’t fit, or even contradict..._

I closed the box firmly and put it away.

***

When evening fell, Teal’c returned as he had promised.

For privacy’s sake, we walked in the garden of the harem. I hadn’t spent much time in the garden. At night there wasn’t much light out there, but the pathways were clearly edged in white. The air was filled with the most gorgeous scent: I haven’t a clue what it was, but it must have been coming from the plants. I was wearing a lightweight robe that Teal’c had brought with him for me. That single, silent gesture meant more to me than anything he could have said.

It meant he understood.

We walked in silence, not touching, until we were some distance from the buildings. We wandered off the pathway, and after a while came to a stop. There was grass beneath our feet, and running water nearby. There was no moon that night, and it was too dark for me to see. I looked up at the stars. One of them, somewhere, was home.

“Teal’c,” I said quietly. He made no reply, so I went on, “You told me last night you no longer think of me as a slave.”

“That is true,” he said.

“Then can’t you just give me my freedom?” It was the question that had been on my mind all day.

“I cannot. In this place, it would be freedom to die. Amonet will not allow you to live free. Neither, I believe, will Apophis.”

“I have only your word on that,” I pointed out.

He grasped my by my shoulders: the first time he had really touched me that evening. “I do not lie, my Daniel. I would give you what you ask were it possible. That is why I want you to leave this place.”

“I would _love_ to, believe me! Do you think I enjoy being here!” In my frustration I had spoken too loudly: it carried. I wrenched myself away from Teal’c’s touch. But I didn’t go far, just a few steps away from him. Teal’c followed me. I felt his hand rest gently on my arm, but he said nothing. The touch was calming. I guess any kindness would have been. “I’m sorry,” I said eventually. “It’s just...Teal’c, you don’t understand.”

“Then explain to me.”

He took my hand in his and sat down on the grass, urging me to join him. I did, and discovered we were right on the edge of a stream. I trailed my hand in the water: it was deliciously cool. With Teal’c sitting just behind me, I leaned back. I enjoyed the sense of his strength, and the warmth of his body. Despite everything he had done, I trusted Teal’c implicitly. That might have been unwise, but it was a fact.

Speaking quietly, I began to tell Teal’c the whole of my story. Teal’c listened in silence. I hardly even noticed when his arms closed around my body. By the time I reached the end of it, I was relaxed in his arms, almost as if we were lovers.

“I have no one, Teal’c,” I told him at the end. “No family left on Earth. My friends on Abydos are better off with their Gate buried. And now my Sha’re is gone as well. I don’t have any reason to go on...except I don’t want to die.”

“Reason enough,” he commented.

The words shook me. Teal’c had a point. What was wrong with me lately? The Daniel Jackson who figured out the Stargate over a year ago would have grabbed this opportunity to escape with both hands. So I couldn’t return to Earth. What difference did that make? There were thousands of planets out there. I could start with the one address I _did_ know (anything to get off this world!) and from there I could go anywhere.

Alone.

That was the word that held me back. When I first stepped through the Stargate a year ago, I was a man with very little to lose. I had no family, no real friends. Loneliness was a normal condition for me. That’s not self-pity: I am well aware it was mostly my own doing. When I’m sunk deep in my work I’m not the most sociable man alive. But there are no libraries on Abydos, and in the year I lived there I had been blessed with family and friends and warmth. I had come to appreciate those things a lot. I never wanted to be lonely again.

With the thought, I turned in Teal’c’s arms, seeking his mouth. As his full, soft lips covered mine, I wondered how I could ever leave him.

***

The following night, when Teal’c came to the harem, he was carrying a sealed box. We used one of the rooms near the baths, and Teal’c locked the door for privacy. He kissed me, then he gave me the box. “These things are yours,” he said. He stroked the seal with his fingertips and the box opened.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The box contained...my life! My journal: everything I had learned about the Abydos Stargate and the map chamber I had discovered. My watch. The radio I had carried on our mission to Teal’c’s home planet. Most incredible of all, my GDO.

I must have looked like a village idiot staring into that box. I was afraid to touch anything in case it vanished in a puff of smoke.

“How...? Why...?” I stammered.

“I was instructed to destroy everything you carried when you were captured. I did not think these were weapons and I was interested in the technology.”

Still hesitant, I reached out and picked up the GDO. It was intact, but I had no idea if it was still functioning. “Teal’c...do you know what this is? What it _means_?”

Teal’c clearly didn’t know. He asked permission with a look before taking the GDO from my hands. He examined it, but I knew he’d never seen anything like it before. It was no more familiar to him then Goa’uld technology was to me.

“We call it a GDO,” I explained. It’s a transmitter. We use it to send a signal through the Stargate - ”

“To bypass the defences of your planet’s Stargate,” Teal’c said.

I nodded - he was quick. Too quick: had Earth been giving Apophis trouble? I wondered.

“Then with this,” Teal’c surmised, “you can return there.”

It was my own burgeoning hope. But I shook my head. “It’s not quite that simple. To open the iris I would have to transmit a specific code, telling them who I am. And if I do that now...I’ve been gone too long, Teal’c. They would assume I had been forced to give you the information and keep me locked out.” I replaced the GDO in the box. It wasn’t completely hopeless. The GDO _would_ send a signal through the Stargate. And, as it seemed the SGC was still operational, they would know it had come from one of their own devices. If I could just figure out a way to send a message with it, I might have a chance.

I picked up my watch. This, too, was still working. If I couldn’t figure out a way to signal Earth, the watch just might be my only option. I could use it to figure out the time I would be able to return to Abydos. I had figured it out in Earth-time: one year on Abydos was five hundred days on Earth, or very close to that. It was a digital watch with a calendar built in: it would give me the information I needed if the battery lasted long enough.

If I lived that long.

Suddenly I remembered the day I was captured: Teal’c had accosted Jack in the dungeon, asking about his watch. Even in that situation, Jack had responded with something like humour. A few hours later, Jack had been killed. And I remembered my dream: Jack’s voice telling me I could make a difference.

I looked up at Teal’c. He had seen something, that day. Something had made him wonder about us. Something...

“Teal’c, if _I _can leave here, what about you? Can’t we leave together?”

He shook his head slowly. “We cannot.”

My spark of hope gone, I lowered my eyes. “I know. You won’t leave your god.”

Teal’c reached out for me, lifting my chin to make me look at him. “The Goa’uld are not gods,” he said firmly. I know my surprise showed. He looked amused. “You thought I didn’t know that?”

I nodded.

“My Daniel, it is what every Jaffa is taught in his mother’s arms, and we live the lie every day of our lives. Only when he takes a host does a Goa’uld have power. And I have seen...” He hesitated; most unusual for him. “I have seen the terror of those they choose. I hate them as you do, my Daniel. But I am a Jaffa. I have no choice.”

“You _have_ a choice, Teal’c. You do. I understand: you’re as much a slave as I am. But you have power, Teal’c. Why not take your freedom?”

He shook his head again. “If you escape alone, my Daniel, you may survive. If I go with you, Apophis will hunt us until we are both dead. I want you to live.”

_And how long do you think I can live...alone_, I thought. But I said nothing more.

***

I persuaded Teal’c to take me back to his rooms because I wanted another look at the Stargate. We stood on the balcony overlooking the plaza. The plaza looked deserted. In the moonlight the pillars and the Stargate seemed to glow.

“It looks unguarded,” I said to Teal’c.

“It is not.”

“I guessed that. Can you tell me what’s out there?”

“I can.” He shifted and put his arms around me. “The pillars you see protect the Stargate. Their weapons are usually operated by Jaffa, but will fire automatically if needed.”

“So they’re like guntowers?” I looked more closely, but I could see no evidence of it. “And they’ll fire at anything that tries to go through the Gate.”

“That is correct.”

Being right wasn’t reassuring. “Well, can we even get near the DHD?” I realised he didn’t know what I meant and added, “I mean, the device that controls the Gate.”

“Yes. The danger is the Stargate itself.” His arms tightened around my body. “You have decided to leave.”

It was only when he said it I realised I had, indeed decided. “I don’t want to...but you’re right. I can’t stay here.” It wasn’t death I was afraid of. It was the knowledge that they would never let me die.

***

It took two weeks. Thirteen days for Teal’c to figure out a way I might be able to get through the Stargate alive. It took almost that long for me to convince myself the GDO was still working. I’m not exactly technical: I have trouble changing the oil in my car. And this was technology I knew how to use, but didn’t understand. Even harder than making sure it was working, was figuring out what I could do with it. The GDO wasn’t a radio: it could send a numerical signal, nothing else. It would be useless to send what had been the SG-1 code to Earth: that code would have been locked out when the team failed to return. I needed to come up with something else.

Where to go was another tough question. Earth and Abydos were both off the list. Which, for me, left only Teal’c’s planet, and according to Teal’c the Stargate was always guarded. It hadn’t been when we first arrived because Apophis was already there: he had taken the usual guards with him. I had pretty much decided I would have to risk it, when Teal’c volunteered that he knew some addresses. Between us, we came up with two possibilities. The first was a planet Teal’c said was forbidden to all Goa’uld and Jaffa, but all he knew of the reason was that the planet contained great danger. The second didn’t sound too safe either: Teal’c described it as a primordial forest with some dangerous creatures and no sentient life. He had been there once on some sort of reconnaissance for Apophis. All the other addresses he knew were Goa’uld worlds.

Well, I was willing to risk jumping into the fire, if it would get me out of this particular frying pan. I made a note of those two addresses and memorised both. I decided to flip a coin or something when I had to make a choice.

Before I could go anywhere I had to figure out how to make this Stargate work. To do that, I needed a close look at the DHD. Teal’c objected strongly to this, but I explained to him I really had no choice. Without the point of origin, the rest of the address was useless. I couldn’t leave without it.

So, early one evening, we walked out onto the plaza. I was dressed as a slave once again. I wouldn’t have minded that had I not been so badly marked. Thanks to Teal’c and Kyla, the stripes on my back were healing well and I no longer felt pain, but the marks were very prominent and the garb of a slave did nothing to conceal them. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I walked, a few dutiful paces behind my Master, through the marble palace.

Getting to the Stargate was the easy part. Teal’c was First Prime of Apophis; he could go anywhere he chose, and no one questioned that his slave accompanied him. It took me a few minutes to be sure, but the DHD was the same as the one on Abydos. I ran through the addresses I knew in my head: all the symbols were there. The important one, the seventh, took a little longer, but it was there. As we walked away from the Gate, I was happier than I had been in a long time. I was sure now I would be able to escape.

When we re-entered the Palace, Apophis was waiting.

I stiffened, wondering wildly if he somehow knew what we planned. I need not have worried. At first, he didn’t even notice me. He spoke with Teal’c for some minutes about some upcoming battle. I stayed behind Teal’c doing my best to remain invisible. I thought I had succeeded. There was, I thought with relief, no reason Apophis should notice a slave.

He turned to go, and I almost began to breathe again.

Then he noticed me. “I remember this one,” he said to Teal’c. “Tell me, has the slave learned obedience?”

“I believe so,” Teal’c replied. I don’t know if Apophis could read him and easily as I could, but Teal’c’s tension was very apparent to me.

Apophis looked at me; I kept my eyes lowered. Apophis laughed suddenly. “Excellent. My queen enjoyed this one. I will be pleased when you make her this gift.”

Teal’c said something in reply. I didn’t hear it. Then Apophis was gone.

***

It moved our plans up. Teal’c had told me many times that he could not disobey Apophis, and Apophis had made his wishes clear. If I was going to leave, it had to be that night.

The plan had been for me to leave shortly after dawn, when the Jaffa who manned the towers would be tired, more likely to make mistakes. The plan had been for Teal’c to choose who those Jaffa would be: preferably someone who couldn’t shoot straight. We had no time for any of that.

We returned to the harem to pack the things I needed to take with me. I didn’t dare take much. The things Teal’c had returned to me: watch, GDO and radio, all my notes. I wanted to take some real clothing but that was impossible now. The only compromise we had was to wrap my things in a robe, and even that was tempting fate. But neither of us could predict the conditions on the other side of the Stargate: I would need minimal protection, at least. Everything ready, we waited.

We waited an interminable time, as the sky outside grew darker. We waited even longer: the fewer people who would be around, the better. Finally, Teal’c decided it was time.

The plaza was dark: the moons had set and the only light was the illumination directed at the Stargate itself. It was really hard not to run. I walked behind Teal’c, carrying my possessions with me. We reached the DHD and I hesitated.

“Teal’c...”

He lifted my face and kissed me, hard and passionate. I wished, suddenly, we could have said goodbye properly, the way I knew he wanted. But we hadn’t made love since he rescued me from the gaoler. I had injuries that needed to heal, not all of them physical. Teal’c could have demanded it of me and I wouldn’t have refused. But he hadn’t asked. Not once.

“Thank you,” I whispered as we parted.

“You must go quickly, my Daniel,” he reminded me.

I nodded. We had discussed this. The guns would come to life the moment I started to dial. If I could reach the Gate quickly enough, without being killed by its opening vortex, I should be able to get through before the guns fired. Too many ‘ifs’ in that for comfort.

I’d forgotten to flip that coin, I thought. I chose the first address that came to mind and started dialling. Behind us, I heard the guns begin to move. I didn’t dare look around. I gripped the bundle of my belongings tight as I punched the last symbol.

The instant I saw the wormhole begin to form I was running. I was a second away from dying either way. I ran up the steps to the gate and stumbled. I got my balance back quickly and kept going. I had no time even to look back.

I leapt at the event horizon, and felt the pain engulf my body just as I fell through to freedom.


	6. Chapter 6

When you travel through the Stargate, you arrive at your destination feeling very, very cold. It’s not unusual to find the sweat on your body turned to ice. The effect lasts only a few seconds, but it’s very definitely there. Sam had some explanation for it, I remember.

I think it was that effect which saved my life.

I felt fire engulf my body just as I passed through the event horizon of the Stargate. Then it was gone. What felt like seconds later (I’m told Gate-travel is almost instantaneous, but I’m here to testify it certainly doesn’t _feel_ that way), I flew through the other side. Flew, literally. I guess I’d been running too fast when I entered the Gate.

I hit the ground hard and rolled a couple of feet before I could get my balance. I felt like I had jarred every bone in my body and it was _so_ cold. For a few seconds, I couldn’t do anything except lie there.

I stared up at the Gate, its rippling event horizon shining. Mocking me. Every moment it stayed open I was in danger.

The thing I was dreading happened: I saw the shape of someone running through the Gate. An instant later the wormhole collapsed. The man who had followed me fell to his knees. It gave me a chance: I started to get up, aware I would have only moments to start running. Then I recognised him.

It was Teal’c.

I ran to him instead and knelt in the grass beside him. “Master!” I gasped. He was hurt, badly hurt, having been hit with the full power of those guns. By comparison, I’d barely even been grazed. It was such a shock to see Teal’c so weakened: even when I had treated his wound before, he had borne pain like the warrior he was. This brought him low. “Teal’c,” I said.

He looked up and met my eyes. I read pain there, a great deal of pain. For a long moment, all we did was look at each other. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I didn’t understand why he had come.

I heard a sound from the Stargate and looked up as one of the chevrons came alight, locked into place. Shit.

“They are following?” I asked.

Teal’c nodded. “I believe so.”

“Come on.” I helped my master to his feet. “If we can make it to the trees...” I suggested desperately. We began to run. No, not run. _Stumble_ probably describes it better: both of us moving as quickly as we could. The wrapped bundle of my possessions was abandoned. I heard the Gate open behind us. A staff weapon blasted the ground just ahead of us. We ignored it and kept going.

We didn’t get far. Four serpent guards reached us easily.

I have no idea how Teal’c did it, with the pain he must have been in. He shoved me away from him and straightened up. He turned to face the four serpent guards and ordered them, furiously, to back off. A translation of his words would be impossible, but trust me, it was one incredible bluff. Two of them even started to back away.

Then the third raised his staff weapon, pointing it at me. His helmet opened, revealing his face. I didn’t know him. But Teal’c clearly did. This guard wasn’t fooled.

Teal’c moved to stand between me and the serpent guard’s weapon. It was as good as a confession. The guard smiled with some satisfaction.

Following Teal’c’s lead, I offered no resistance as they marched us both back to the Stargate. I expected them to dial up and take us back to Khert-Neter, but the shimmering wormhole was still open. They led us to the bottom of the platform where the Gate stood and waited. I started to ask Teal’c what was happening and one of the guards struck me hard across my mouth. I got the message and shut up.

I understood when Apophis walked through the Gate.

They didn’t need to force me to my knees: I don’t think my legs would have held me up any longer anyway. I don’t know what I felt more: fear or hate.

Apophis gave no sign he even saw me. He stood above Teal’c, the glow in his eyes giving away his anger. “Why do you betray me?” he demanded. “For this worthless slave?”

Teal’c was magnificently defiant. He looked right into Apophis’ eyes and said clearly, “I serve you no more.”

I saw Apophis’ expression change from anger to disbelief and back again. His eyes glowed even more brightly. He began to raise his hand. Teal’c hadn’t moved, still watching him defiantly.

“No!” I shouted. Which was fairly pointless, I admit. One of the serpent guards knocked me backward with his staff.

Apophis’ eyes were as bright as the jewel in his palm. A beam of light came from the jewel. “No...” I said again, but I could only watch helplessly.

I have felt the effects of that device myself, and I know what pain Teal’c was feeling. He was shaking under the power of that thing, but he managed to spit out three words: “I...die..._free_.”

Magnificent.

I watched Apophis destroy my world for a second time. I realised, far too late, what an idiot I had been. What I’d wasted.

Too late.

I saw my lover fall.

Ignoring everyone else, I crawled to his side. No one stopped me. I saw his face. Blood dripped from one of his eyes like the tears suddenly blinding my own. He was dead.

I looked up at Apophis, words I don’t remember spilling from my lips. He turned his back on me, barking one last order.

The last thing I remember is a staff weapon, primed to fire, inches from my face. I held my lover’s body in my arms. I no longer cared if I died.

***

I have been dead before.

I was killed aboard Ra’s ship, on the second day of our mission to Abydos. Contrary to the comforting stories I was told as a child, dying is not like falling asleep. It’s a unique sensation. Not a pleasant one, and not an experience I can ever forget.

So, impossible as it seems, I am certain that I died that day. I _died_. As did Teal’c - I saw it happen. I can’t be mistaken about that.

Yet, I am alive. Obviously, as I’m writing this.

I found my way back to consciousness and woke in a dark place. My first thought was of Teal’c. If I was alive, somehow, he could be, too. But I had no way to know. A thread away from panic, I waited for my eyes to adjust to the dark. I think I’m going to be scared of the dark for the rest of my life: Apophis’ dungeon stays with me.

I examined my body by touch. The wound I knew had killed me was gone. I don’t mean healed. I mean completely gone. I still carried other injuries: the half healed stripes on my back were aching, just as they always did. This time I welcomed the familiar pain. It proved I was alive, and real.

There was a little light filtering down from above. When I was able to see a little of my surroundings, I looked for Teal’c. I didn’t have to look far: he was lying right beside me.

I reached out, terrified I would find his flesh cold and dead. But I encountered warmth. He was alive! What little control I had broke. I rolled over, closer to his body. I was naked; Teal’c still wore his usual robe. I just _had_ to touch him. I stroked his arms and chest and face, saying his name over and over. Eyes I had last seen lifeless and closed flickered open. I covered his lips with kisses and felt his arms close around my body.

“My Daniel,” he murmured.

I couldn’t bear the barrier of cloth between us. I tore at his robe until it fell open and I struggled to get closer to him: mouth to mouth, flesh to flesh. I felt his cock swell in contact with mine. It wasn’t enough.

I needed him inside me.

Either Teal’c needed it as badly as I, or he was quick to realise what I wanted. His body covered mine, his open robe covering us both. I opened to him and he was _there_, sliding into me. God, that hurt! But I didn’t care. It was what we both needed in that moment, a rough, primal coupling. A declaration that we were both alive.

And together.

It was over quickly. After, I curled up against his side and closed my eyes. He was warm and smelled of fresh sweat and sex. For just that second, I felt I was exactly where I belonged.

***

“We were dead,” Teal’c repeated. I could tell he was having trouble believing me.

“I know it sounds impossible,” I admitted. “But I know what I saw, Teal’c.” _Blood flowing from his eye like tears _... “You were dead.”

“I know,” he said quietly. His hand drifted gently down my cheek. “We must find out where we are,” he announced.

Reality was like a cold shower. I sat up quickly. “You’re right! Someone must have brought us here ... wherever here is.” I started to get up. “Oh, shit! I can’t!” I had become so used to walking around almost naked I was about to walk out like that. Catching myself in time, I started to take notice of where we were. Teal’c and I were lying on a raised platform, but I’m not sure I’d call it a bed. A thin woven blanket was all that lay between us and the timbers. The walls that surrounded us were some sort of woven wicker. The roof looked like peat. Once I realised that, I became aware of the smell, too: that damp, slightly sharp scent of the northern forests. Yet the air wasn’t cold. I couldn’t even feel a draft. Well, that might have been partly because I was so close to Teal’c. I looked at the ground. It appeared to be plain dirt.

“I will go,” Teal’c said.

“That seems like a good idea,” I agreed.

He walked over to a door I hadn’t even noticed was there and slowly pushed it open. He waited silently, and I wondered whether his caution was really necessary. He had to stoop to get out of the door. Then suddenly he was backing in again.

I felt a moment of panic before I realised he was making way for someone on the way in.

She was clearly not human, but the outward differences weren’t great. She was very petite, her skin paler than would be normal for a human woman, her hair grey-green and wild. Her face was dominated by large eyes, and my first, crazy thought was of fairies in children’s tales. She looked like that: mysterious, a spirit of nature. No ... that sounds too romantic. The word _primitive_ comes to mind, too, but that was a fleeting impression: her clothing was clearly manufactured and she was clean.

She carried more clothing in her arms. “I brought this for you,” she said to me. Her voice was quiet but clear. “My name is Lyia. You are among the Nox.”

Speechless, for a moment, I accepted the clothing she carried.

“You saved us from Apophis?” Teal’c asked her, a little abruptly.

“My friends brought you here.” Lyia neither confirmed nor denied Teal’c’s assumption. “The one who sought to harm you is gone,” she added. “He believes you, too, are gone.”

Well, that sounded like a confirmation. “Gone?” I repeated. “You mean he thinks we’re dead? But...I mean, we _were_ dead. I didn’t imagine that.”

“You may rest here for as long as you need,” Lyia said. “Then, please, join us. We have food and drink.”

The moment she said that, I realised I was hungry. I could see the same realisation in Teal’c’s expression.

“Thank you, Lyia,” Teal’c said. She nodded and left us alone.

***

#### Next Day

I still didn’t know for sure that this would work. I was a little worried about the consequences if it did. But it was our best shot.

Looking down at the DHD, for a moment I couldn’t remember the correct sequence of glyphs for Earth. I took a deep breath and tried to focus. It wasn’t too surprising: the past few days had been one weird ride.

“The Nox”, these people called themselves. The indigenous population of a planet Teal’c had sworn was uninhabited. Our questions got smiles or nods, never answers. Why they had saved us, if they had, how they had revived us from the dead, _if_ they had, were mysteries and were clearly destined to stay that way. We were asked, politely, what our intentions were. Teal’c explained as best he could what had happened. Lyia sent someone back to the Stargate to look for my bundle. The boy (that is, I _think_ he was a child: it’s hard to tell) returned with everything still wrapped up. I found the GDO intact: that was the only thing I cared about.

One of them, a man, didn’t want us around. Only when I explained that if we dialled Earth without the proper codes, we would die, did he agree we could remain for a few days. Exactly how he thought he was going to force us to leave, I don’t know. It wasn’t exactly a welcome, but to me, it was more than we could really have expected. Teal’c was less happy.

There were other mysteries. We saw only four Nox: Lyia, two men and the boy. But there must surely have been others. They had food, and drink, yet I saw none of the things that should accompany them: no cooking utensils, no waterbags. There was a fire, but it wasn’t a cooking fire. Their houses looked like huts, but they were warm inside. Other anomalies bothered me, too. I had a feeling, just a hunch, that the Nox were more than we were supposed to think.

So when we were asked to leave, I didn’t argue. I stopped Teal’c arguing, too. And the following day we were given directions and returned to the Stargate.

I punched the address for Earth. The one thing I had been dreading was that not working. If the Earth Gate had been buried, the last chevron wouldn’t even lock. But I need not have worried. It worked perfectly. Watching the great splash of the gate opening, I wanted to take the risk and just run home.

Instead, I lifted the GDO and started to punch numbers. This was the tough part. I _thought_ it was working, but I didn’t know. The signal I sent was one I was sure would be understood. I just had to hope they didn’t decide it was a deception. The first part was the code I knew to open the iris. The code would have been locked out, but their computers should still recognise it. They would know it came from SG-1. The second part was an SOS. I didn’t even know for sure if the USAF still used Morse Code, but that one is pretty much universal. Then the third part was a numerical version of the Stargate address of the planet we were on. I had to hope someone at the base would be smart enough to realise what it was. Sam Carter would have understood.

And that was it. All Teal’c and I could do was wait.

***

We waited four days. Four _good_ days, in my opinion. We set up a shelter near the Gate and the Nox gave us blankets and food. There was nothing much to do while we waited so we passed the time talking...and making love. For the first time, we had no concerns but each other. We were free of Apophis: he believed we were both dead. We were together.

I learned that Teal’c had followed me because he saw me wounded when I escaped through the Stargate. His concern, always, had been that I survive. He followed because he knew I wouldn’t live long on an uninhabited planet if I were hurt. For that, for _me_ he had risked his life...had _lost_ his life. If I had ever doubted his friendship, I had proof now.

I told Teal’c of Earth, and began to teach him some English. He’s a quick study: I rarely had to correct him more than once. Still, there’s only so much I could teach in a few days.

By day we talked, and explored a little, without going far from the Stargate. By night we slept in each other’s arms and made love, as if each time was the first, or might be the last. The master/slave thing was almost gone. We had become lovers. We had become friends.

(In that order? Yes, I think so. The friendship part did come second for us.)

Each morning, I sent the same signal to Earth again. I planned to keep doing so for a week. Teal’c thought that was too long. We waited. No one came.

On the morning  of the fifth day, I woke slowly, awakened as always, by the dawn light. Teal’c was still sleeping, a warm, comforting presence beside me. I tried to lie still, not wanting to disturb him. It felt good to be sleeping beside him.

I was convinced by then that Earth was not going to respond to my signal. It couldn’t possibly take this long to decode. Either the GDO wasn’t working, or whoever was in charge there (Hammond, I assumed) had decided my signal was a trick of some sort. I decided that when Teal’c woke, we would have to talk about plan B.

Teal’c stirred in his sleep, turning toward me. I couldn’t resist that, and reached up to kiss him. Those gorgeous, soft lips...Teal’c woke when I did that, and returned my kiss. His mouth is so sweet, even first thing in the morning. Lazily, he began to stroke my body, his mouth wandering to my neck. I could feel his cock, full and heavy against my belly. I sighed with pleasure, reaching for him as he recaptured my mouth.

Then a sound made me pull away. I froze for a moment.

It was Teal’c, not me, who said, “The Stargate.”

He was right. Silently cursing the timing, I reached for my clothing. I pulled my trousers on and turned back to Teal’c. “We’ll finish this later,” I promised, kissing him.

“We will,” he rumbled.

I watched the Gate from our shelter, nervously. We couldn’t be sure who might be coming through. This was a world, according to Teal’c, that the Goa’uld visited periodically. I finished fastening my clothing just as the Gate opened. We waited.

Five seconds seemed like five minutes. Then some_thing_, not some_one_ came rolling through the event horizon. I recognised the robot probe with relief. I knew it had come from Earth. I scrambled up and ran toward the Stargate. The probe would send back telemetry as long as the wormhole remained open, I remembered. It had a camera and infra-red sensors...did it have sound? I couldn’t remember.

But I was reminded really quickly. I watched the camera of the probe move until it was facing me. Then I heard a voice from the probe’s speaker. “Daniel? Daniel, can you hear me?”

The voice was distorted by the wormhole, but I recognised it. My heart leapt. “I hear you! Jack?”

“Yeah, Daniel. Everything okay?” Jack. As laconic as ever.

“Dumb question,” I told him, sarcasm being his talent, not mine. “Just tell me I can come home.”

There was silence. The probe just sat there, and all I heard was static. “Jack?” I prompted finally.

“Sit tight, Daniel,” he advised. “I’m coming. Just as soon as I - “

The transmission was cut off abruptly as the wormhole collapsed.

Jack. Never in my wildest imaginings had it occurred to me he could be still alive. I _remembered_ hearing him die. I remembered...replaying the memory in my mind, I was no longer certain what I had heard. Apophis gave the order to kill everyone. Jack shouted for help. Staff weapons started firing. That was it. And I hadn’t exactly been paying attention at the time.

Jack was alive!

I ran back to my lover, hope filling my heart at last.

***

I spent the next hour in a fever of impatience. I couldn’t sit still. Teal’c eventually got so irritated with me he threatened to tie me down. Even his anger wasn’t enough to disturb my mood: I just kissed him and told him to save the suggestion for later. When I finally heard some activity from the Stargate again, I hurried up there to meet Jack. I hadn’t even noticed, at that point, that Teal’c did not share my enthusiasm.

Jack and Sam came through the Stargate with two men I didn’t know. Jack - the military man first and last - was armed to the teeth. The sight of guns made me hesitate. I guess I’d been remembering the off-duty Jack I’d just begun to get to know. I had forgotten, momentarily, that this was also a man who had been quite willing to kill thousands of people on Abydos as long as he got Ra, too.

Then I saw Jack’s eyes and all the doubts vanished. I took two more steps toward my friend and he met me halfway and suddenly he was hugging me! I mean, _Jack_ was hugging me!

“Daniel! Thank God you’re alright!” He backed off suddenly, holding me at arms’ length. “You _are_ alright?”

I nodded. “I’ve been better. But I’m okay.”

Jack was staring at me, real concern in his eyes. “Jesus, look at you. You’ve lost, like, thirty pounds!”

I didn’t doubt his words: Jack couldn’t have faked that kind of shock. I hadn’t looked in a mirror for a long time. I had been aware of being physically weak, but not of having lost weight. I tried to reassure him. “I’ll be fine, Jack. It’s nothing that won’t heal. Jack, what happened to you? I thought you were dead.”

He grimaced. “Some snakehead shot me. But I’m tough to kill.”

Too late, the warning bells started ringing in my head.

Jack turned to Carter. “Okay, Captain. Dial it up. Let’s go home.”

It was too fast. “No! Jack, wait.”

“Can’t wait, Daniel. I’ve got orders.”

It seemed to me I’d heard those words from him before. And I hadn’t been happy to hear them then, either. Desperately, I said, “Jack, I’m not alone here. I can’t leave without...” I turned toward our rough shelter, intending to call to Teal’c.

“Colonel!” One of the men called out, alarmed.

We all looked then, to see Teal’c walking toward us.

Jack raised his gun, and I heard him prime it to fire.

I shouted, “No!” and placed myself in front of Jack’s gun. I couldn’t do anything about the others that way, but Jack was the one who worried me. I knew his tendency to shoot first and look for explanations later. “Jack, it’s not what it looks like. Teal’c’s a friend.”

“Some friend! That goddamned Jaffa tried to kill me! Get the hell out of my way, Daniel.”

Trying really hard to stay calm, I said firmly, “No, Jack. His name is Teal’c. He saved my life. Jack, please listen to me.”

Jack said nothing. His eyes were hard, fixed on Teal’c, not on me. He was holding the gun so tightly his knuckles were white.

“Colonel?” Sam said. Asking for orders. She had a clear shot at Teal’c, and Jack could see that.

“Jack?” I said, much more calmly than I felt.

His eyes met mine again. “Stand down,” he said, lowering his own weapon. I started to breathe again. Jack took a breath, too. “Just what is it you want, Daniel?” he asked me.

I wasn’t certain any more that this was a good idea, but what else could I do? I told him, “I want you to take us back to Earth. Both of us.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Anger rose up, taking me by surprise and I retorted, “Those wings on your uniform are just for show, are they?”

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t push it.”

From behind me, I heard Teal’c say, “My Daniel, you must go with your friends.” He spoke in his own language: they wouldn’t have understood him.

I turned around. “Teal’c...Master...I will not leave without you.” I turned back to Jack, prepared to beg if I had to. “I owe him my life, Jack. Either Teal’c comes with us, or we both stay behind.”

“Your final word?”

I nodded.

Jack thought it over. I could hear a bird singing in the distance.

“Captain Carter,” Jack said eventually.

“Sir,” she answered.

“Dial it up.”

“Sir?” I heard surprise in her voice.

“You heard me.” Jack hadn’t taken his eyes off me. “He comes with us,” he said flatly.

Relieved, I looked back at Teal’c. “Teal’c?” I said, seeking his confirmation.

Teal’c nodded gravely. “I will go with you.”

***

I never would have thought the unrelenting grey of the SGC could be so beautiful. We stepped through into the familiar embarkation room and I felt a huge burden lift. Even the armed airmen waiting at the bottom of the ramp couldn’t dampen my relief.

I heard, “Welcome home, SG-1,” and looked up to see General Hammond in the main control room. Suddenly I was nervous. The general didn’t exactly like me. I turned to Jack, seeking some sort of reassurance, I guess.

I didn’t get it. Jack gestured to the waiting airmen. “Lock him up,” he ordered curtly, jerking his head toward Teal’c.

“Jack, no!”

“What did you expect, Daniel? A welcome party?” Jack’s repeated gesture made the airmen hurry to obey.

“But...” I met Teal’c’s eyes in a panic. He seemed calm.

“No buts, Daniel!” Jack snapped. “Your pet Jaffa gets a nice comfy cell until we’ve debriefed. And you’ll report to the infirmary right now, or else you’ll be in the cell next door.”

I could only watch as they led my lover away. It wasn’t exactly the homecoming I had imagined. Making no effort to conceal my anger, I followed Jack down the ramp.

***

That was four nights ago. So much has happened...it’s hard to take it all in. Yet nothing has changed.

Last night I couldn’t sleep. I ended up talking to one of the airmen on duty here at the SGC. We were watching the security cameras around the base while we talked, and I saw the cell where they’re keeping Teal’c flash up on the screen. He was sleeping.

I’m never going to forgive Jack for this. I know he’s got reason to distrust Teal’c, but can’t he trust _me_?

Watching Teal’c sleep last night, it finally hit me that I’m in love with him. I mean, completely, deeply in love, as much as I was with my Sha’re. I don’t know when it happened, and part of me thinks it’s crazy for me to feel this way, but I can’t deny it. I love him.

That sort of revelation is supposed to be a happy one, but right now the future doesn’t look too hopeful for either of us.

God...I’m tired. These are night thoughts. I haven’t been sleeping well. In the morning, things will be...clearer. I hope.

My life is way too complicated!

But I won’t give up. I’m going to convince Jack, and the General. I’ll take it to the damned President if I have to! Someday, somehow, it’ll all work out.

The world didn’t end, as much as there were moments I wanted it to. It didn’t end. It only changed.


End file.
